


A Century Of Lonely Nights

by its_a_pretty_interesting_wall



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Past Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers, Past reader/OFC, Red Room (Marvel), Sassy Steve, Secret Relationship, Smut, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin, chapter 4 was written with the sole purpose of making you cry, slight dom/sub hues in chapter 3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2019-08-26 15:31:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16684261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/its_a_pretty_interesting_wall/pseuds/its_a_pretty_interesting_wall
Summary: You and Steve Rogers don't get along, but you are atracted to each other. One day you decide to do something about it.OrThe kinda but not really enemies to lovers fic that also has a dash of the friends with benefits to lovers trope.





	1. Midnight Encounters

**Author's Note:**

> This is my entry for [star-spangled-man-with-a-plan's](https://star-spangled-man-with-a-plan.tumblr.com) Star's Marvel Playlist, my song was Genie In A Bottle, by Christina Aguilera, and I used "If you wanna be with me, I can make your wish come true" and "rub me the right way" as a prompt (it's right at the end) I also got the name of the fic from the song (it will probably make more sense in future chapters). There are some bits in german and russian, I used our alphabet because if you're like me you like to try and read the other language even when you don't know what it means, if there are any mistakes blame google. Also yes, I took that comeback from "Santa Clarita Diet" and I regret nothing. This is my first fic and I hope you all enjoy it.

You waited patiently outside the warehouse, with Natasha. The mission was to take down one of Hydra’s last remaining safehouses, which is why Steve Rogers had insisted he needed to come. That made your blood boil. You had everything planned out with Natasha, Wanda and Vision when the captain decided he and Sam were better fits for the mission. So because of that you had spent 5 hours trapped inside a plane with him. You were close with Natasha, you knew her from your time in the Red Room and she was one who eventually got you out, and Sam was always fun to be with, he was great with strategies too, so you liked having him around in a mission. But you could definitely do without Steve Rogers, you only managed to go the entire plane ride to the warehouse without strangling him because, well as much as you absolutely could not stand him right now, you weren’t blind, he was insanely attractive, and to make matters worse he had gone with the stealth suit for this mission, it was your favourite.  
Steve had insisted that you and Natasha waited outside, ever the gentleman, you were sure someone would say. But you were just plain mad. He took over your mission, changed all off your plans, and now he was treating you as if you couldn’t handle a few Hydra goons. Steve Rogers may have knocked out Adolf Hitler over 200 times, but you had single-handedly taken out entire enemy organizations by the time you were 16. You were not impressed with his track record. You were waiting for them to clear the place, so Natasha could hack their system and get information about the remaining safe houses, but Steve and Sam hadn’t said anything yet, you were tired of waiting.  
“Rogers, Wilson, are you two done? Can we go in?”  
“Y/N!” Natasha said slapping your arm.  
“Patience Y/N, Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Steve said.  
“Didn’t ask how long it took to build Rome. I just want to get this over with.”  
“I think you two should be able to come in now.” Sam said.  
“Sam, I’m not done yet.” Steve replied, sounding annoyed.  
“Rogers what the actual fuck? This warehouse has two floors, and each one is about the size of two New York studio apartments. You’ve been at this for 15 minutes.”  
“Y/N I’m in charge here I’ll take as long as I want.”  
You turned to Natasha “Teper’ ya by izbil yego zadnitsu, yesli mne ne ponravilos’ eto smotret’.” (I would have beaten his ass by now if I didn’t like staring at it so much.)  
“I like staring at it too, so please don’t.” Nat said in between laughs.  
“Staring at what?” The boys asked.  
Natasha turned to you with an evil smirk. “Dolzhen li ya skazat’ kapitanu?” (Should I tell the captain?)  
“Oh I heard captain.” Sam said proudly. “Steve they’re talking about you.”  
You gave Natasha your bitchiest face. “Yesli ty ne khochech’, chotby ya udaril tvoyu vlagalishche do samogo gorla, ty zaberemeneyesh’, davaya minet.” (Not unless you want me to kick your vagina so far up your throat you’ll get pregnant giving blowjobs.)  
Her eyes went wide, and she burst out laughing, and you couldn’t stop yourself from doing the same.  
“Right girls I’m forbidding Russian use during missions.” Sam said even though you could tell by his tone that he was amused.  
“Not a chance Wilson.” Natasha said wiping away a tear. “Can we go in now?”  
“Oh? You mean Y/N’s done being bitchy, and disrespectful?” Steve said, sarcasm heavy on his voice.  
You rolled your eyes. “Always have some bitchiness in store for you, Rogers.”  
“Yeah well.” Before he could continue you heard Sam yelp, and Steve’s breath hitched. The comms were catching up on the voices and noises around them and it sounded like a fight.  
“Let’s go help them Y/N.” Natasha said.  
“Go help Sam, if Steve wants a bitch, he’s getting one. I ain’t moving ‘till he asks me nicely.”  
Natasha rolled her eyes but darted running inside and you waited.  
“Really, Y/N?” Steve said.  
“Aww, what’s the matter, does the big brave Steve Rogers need my help?”  
“There’s 15 men up here, I wouldn’t said no to some back up.”  
“You didn’t ask nicely.” You said aiming your arm at the second floor window and pressing the small button on your wrist you set up a rope to pull you up. “I’m waiting.”  
“Can you please come help me?”  
“Khoroshiy mal’chik.” (Good boy.) You pressed the button on your wrist pulling yourself up to the second-floor window where Steve was, you kicked it, breaking the glass and swiftly landing inside. “Nat what’s your situation?”  
“Two guys left, Wilson’s got them, recovering the data as we speak.”  
“Alright then, looks like I’ve got some ass to kick.”  
You ran up to where Steve was surrounded and began taking out men from behind while you still could catch them off guard. Once they saw you had 5 men down in less than a minute, 8 of them left Steve’s side and walked up to you.  
“Umgeben Sie sie, sie kann un salle nicht schlagen.” (Surround her, she can’t beat us all.)  
“Willst du mich versuchen?” (Do you want to try me?)  
You got the first two with a kick to the head, three of them got shot, one you smothered with your legs around his neck in a headlock, the last two went down in a combination of kicks and punches. You looked over at Steve and he was still fighting one guy, you jumped of his back and twisted his neck with your hands, jumping off before he hit the ground.  
You gave Steve your smuggest smile. “You look like you needed a hand.” He simply huffed at you. “What? I took out 14 men while you took out one and I don’t even get a thank you?”  
“For doing your job?”  
“For keeping your tight ass kick free. Maybe don’t hijack my mission next time Rogers.” You shot at him. Before he could reply you darted downstairs to check on Sam and Nat. “How’s everything going down here?”  
“All good baby girl. Did you really take out 14 guys just then?”  
“Yes Sammy, someone had to save Steve’s ass.”  
“Y/N ne bud’ sukoy.” (Don’t be a bitch.)  
“Ne mogu etogo izbezhat.” (Can’t help it.) “You done, Romanoff?”  
“14 more seconds.”  
“AH, one for each ass Y/N kicked.” Sam said extending his fist so you could bump it.  
“Samuel this is why you’re my favourite.”  
“All done, lets head back to the compound.”  
The three of you headed outside but stopped once you noticed Steve wasn’t coming with you.  
“Rogers?” Natasha said over the comms. “Are you injured? Do you need help?”  
“No I’m fine. Just give me minute. I’ll meet you at the jet.”  
Steve turned off his comms, and you continued walking towards the plane.  
“Y/N.” You heard Sam say.  
“What?”  
“I think you bruised his ego.”  
“So? Do you expect me to apologize? You know we’re not friends, we simply tolerate each other, when he takes over my missions and fucks them over, however, I cannot stand him. It’s not my fault, I mean he’s fought more aggressive and dangerous people that those 15 idiots, the fact that he needed my help at all is ridiculous, if he’s not in the right headspace for a mission he should have stayed in New York.”  
“You should go talk to him.” Natasha said hands on her hips.  
“HA! You’re funny, Nat.”  
“I’m being serious, you’re not friends, if you give him a pep talk it will mean more that if it comes from me or Sam.” She said, crossing her arms over her chest.  
“That’s ridiculous.”  
“Actually I think she has a point.” Sam said, avoiding your face, clearly aware of the death glare you were giving him.  
“Really? So I comfort golden boy, and then what? What’s in it for me?”  
An evil smirk crossed Natasha’s face. “Well, he might thank you with” She glanced at Sam. “um duyushchiy seks. Sorry Wilson.” (mind blowing sex)  
You rolled your eyes at her. “You know,” you started walking backwards towards the warehouse. “I sincerely hope Banner Hulks out next time he’s fucking you, and he just rips you in half.”  
“Oh, kinky.” Natasha said before the two of you erupted in a fit of laughter.  
“You two are disgusting.” Sam said, with a shocked expression.  
“You know you love it Sammy.” You turned your back to the two of them and kept making your way to the warehouse, once inside you spotted Steve, sat at the bottom of the stairs, face buried in his hands. He looked up, when he heard footsteps, and looked disappointed when he saw it was you.  
“What are you doing here?” he said resting his head in his hands again.  
“Tone down the sass.” You said before you moved turn off your comms too.  
“That’s rich coming from you.” He said with a dry laugh.  
“That’s… fair enough.” You sighed. “Sam thinks I bruised your ego.”  
“What?”  
“Natasha thinks I need to reassure you because it will mean more coming from someone who’s not your friend.”  
“What?”  
“Yeah, I think it’s bullshit too. Are you ready to go?”  
“Where’s my reassuring?” he said putting his hands over his knees and looking at you with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.  
You crossed your arms over your chest, your breasts pushed against each other at your movement, bulging against the tight suit you wore, Steve’s eyes dropped from your face to your chest and he quickly looked back up trying to hide he smile that crept up his lips. “Do you really need that? You’re Captain America.”  
“Come on Y/N, hit me with your best shot.”  
“Fine. You want to know what I think happened up there?”  
“Sure.” He pressed his lips together and clasped his hands over his lap.  
“You’ve been fighting Hydra since the 40’s, every time you have to do this it’s too personal. Maybe you could keep things professional before but ever since you fought Barnes in DC your heart’s been taking over your head when it comes to these guys. And that’s fine he’s your best friend. But it you’ve taken out 10 guys inside an elevator. Those 15 idiots should have been a walk in the park, Rogers. And by the way I hope you know that’ll bring this whole 14 to 1 ratio thing up at every chance I’ve got. But the bottom line is, as much as I could do without your annoying ass, you are good soldier, and a good leader, but with these guys you need to keep Steve’s heart away from Cap’s mission. You can’t fight them if you let them get in your head. Which is why I don’t think you should do anymore Hydra missions, and why you shouldn’t have taken control of this one.”  
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose closing his eyes for a few seconds before looked back up at you. “You’re right.”  
“Oh my god.” You moaned at him. “Can you say that again, I think I just had an orgasm.”  
“Okay I’m back to hating you.”  
“Good, ‘cause I ain’t making a friendship outta this. Get off your ass, we have to go.”  
“Alright I’m coming.” He said getting up and walking towards the door. “And what’s with your fixation with my ass?”  
“Well I see your mood has improved. And if you must know, however annoying I find you, your ass is lovely.”  
“It’s creepy that you’ve been checking me out. I am your boss.”  
You turned around, so you were facing him and walking backwards you crossed your arms over your chest. “Right, ‘cause 5 minutes ago you weren’t staring at my boobs.” Steve’s gaze shifted from your face to floor and you saw a slight red hue cover his face. “That’s what I thought.” You turned around and started walking away and with a little more sway to your hips that what was necessary. You couldn’t hear Steve’s footsteps, so you looked over your shoulder, and found him standing, head slightly tilted to the side, his lips pressed together as if he was bitting them from the inside, and his eyes glued to your swaying ass. “Yeah I’m the creep, here.” Steve blushed once again, and before he could reply you were out of the warehouse, walking towards, Natasha and Sam.  
“How did it go?” Sam asked nervously.  
“Great, his ego wasn’t bruised he just wanted to check me out.”  
“Dammit Y/N I did not.” Steve said from a few feet behind you.  
“So you didn’t check me out? Twice?” His gaze fell to the floor in embarrassment. “You have given me a powerful weapon, Rogers. From now on whenever I need you to shut up I’ll probably just flash you.” He looked up at you and opened his mouth, but no words came out, he blushed instead. Sam and Natasha were giving you a disapproving glare. “What? I gave him the pep talk.”  
“Steve is that true?” Natasha asked him.  
“Yes, although I wouldn’t call it a pep talk. It was more of a metaphorical beating. Yeah, she kicked my soul’s ass.”  
“Excuse me?” You asked turning to face him.  
“I mean that in a good way, my soul’s ass needed some kicking. You were right.” He sighed.  
“Oh fuck.” You moaned again, this time clutching your chest. “That’s the second one Rogers.” You said fanning yourself with your hands for the dramatic effect. “Say I’m right one more time and make it 3.” He rolled his eyes and started walking away.  
“Do you know what’s happening?” Sam half whispered at Natasha.  
She leaned closer to his ear and said with a feigned shock expression. “I think that was friendly banter, and teasing? Maybe a bit of… flirting!” This time you rolled your eyes, you gave them each a middle finger while you walked backwards in the jet’s direction. “Move your cute butts I want to go back to New York.”  
**  
After the 5 hour flight back, you found yourself in bed, and because you had taken a nap on the jet it was 3AM and you couldn’t fall asleep, didn’t help that you hungry. You tossed and turned in bed for another hour, until you gave up and headed for the kitchen to make yourself some food and review the intel Natasha had collected on the mission. You had to do it at some point and there was no time like the present.  
Once in the kitchen you grabbed your phone and started playing some music, not to loud so you wouldn’t wake anyone up, although that wasn’t really issue since the walls were mostly soundproof. After inspecting the fridge, you selected a chicken breast, a bell pepper, an onion and garlic. You cooked some spaghetti separately, while chopping the vegetables and simmering them in olive oil and salt for a few minutes, you then added two teaspoons of Wanda’s paprika to the mix, it’s not like she’d notice, you guessed. Finally you diced the chicken and placed it in the pot, adding some water, and tomato puree, to make it saucy for your pasta.  
You were absentmindedly singing as you were cooking and your playlist had landed on one of your favourite classic songs, and you couldn’t help but to smile as you stirred the chicken and allowed yourself to be enveloped in Édith Piaf’s voice as she sang La Vie En Rose. You gently swayed to the song and closed your eyes, nearing your favourite verse, and forgot you were meant to be quiet as your voice grew louder. Soon the song was over and another one began. You laughed at the shuffle button. You had just listened to one of the most romantic songs ever, and for some reason your phone queued up Genie in a Bottle after that. It really was laughable, you though. That didn’t stop you from dancing around the kitchen. You kept your eyes closed at first as you let the sultry vibes of the song take over you, soon enough you were singing along too. Once you hit the chorus your voice was especially loud, you had intended to sing the whole song, but as you spun around, still dancing, you couldn’t continue. Steve Rogers was standing right there looking at you. The sight of your shocked, and slightly embarrassed blushing face, as you turned and saw him standing by the fridge looking over at you was too much for him to handle, and he laughed at your expression.  
You hurriedly turned off the stove and the music, feeling the heat rising on your cheeks and mixed the chicken with the spaghetti, not daring to look back at Steve. But soon enough you were just standing there, your back to him, and nothing to do. The bowl you were planning on using was at the table, as was your computer, so you grabbed your phone and the pot, turned around and without looking at Steve, sat down at the table, filled your bowl and focused on the computer screen.  
“Cold shoulder.” Steve said after a few seconds, opening the fridge.  
“What?” You asked confused, looking in his direction.  
“Young Peter Parker said that in this decade when people ignore you they are giving you the cold shoulder.”  
“Okay then. Umm, firstly that’s not what’s happening here, and secondly you starting a sentence with ‘young Peter Parker’ is a perfect reason why someone would want to give you the cold shoulder. Also I know we’re almost in the 20’s but we still think of the 90’s as 10 years ago instead of the nearly 30 that they are so, umm, maybe don’t say ‘this decade’ when we haven’t really figured out the last 3 yet.”  
“Peter didn’t mention any of that, should I be writing this down?” he asked sarcastically.  
“Yes.” You, replied with your most serious face, but you started smiling when you saw he thought you really were serious. Then he smiled too.  
“So, why were you ignoring me?” He asked sitting down across the table from you.  
“That’s a stupid question.” You said stuffing your mouth with food, thank god it was good, you could focus on it to ignore Steve.  
“Did I scare you?”  
“WHA?? NOo.” You say, mouth still full.  
He half snorted a laugh. “I can’t take you seriously like that.”  
You held your hand out chewing your food and swallowing it. “You caught me off guard. I didn’t think anyone was up. And no one’s ever heard me sing, so, yeah.” You blushed again.  
“Well, you sound nice.”  
“Thanks.” You were staring your food, trying to ignore the heat you felt in your face. “What are you doing up anyway?”  
“Oh I couldn’t sleep.” He said with a shrug. “I was planning on watch a movie, but this was endlessly more entertaining. You’re a good dancer.”  
“Why didn’t you say something when you got here? It’s kinda pervy that you were lurking in the shadows watching me dance.”  
He brought his hand to his chest and feigned shock, “You wound me, Y/N, to be completly honest I was walking around the compound and I heard ‘La Vie en Rose’, I love that song, thought I could keep whoever was listening to it some company.”  
“Umm, how to you know that song? It came out in 1946.”  
“I was in Paris during the war, had French friends too, and Édith was already famous back then, I googled her when I learned about, well google.” Why was this so awkward? “I didn’t know you spoke French.”  
“You don’t need to speak French to sing French.”  
“So you don’t speak French?”  
“No, I do, I, I speak a lot of languages.”  
A few more seconds of uncomfortable silence went by.  
“Your food smells nice.” He finally said.  
“Is that your way of asking for some?” Oh thank god some sass, you felt the tension leave your shoulders.  
“Can I?”  
“Sure.” You turned your attention to your computer while he got himself a bowl.  
“What are you doing?” he asked when he sat back down.  
“Going over the intel from the mission.”  
“Already?” he asked. After that took the first bite of your food. A deep guttural moan escaped his throat. It shot right through you. “Oh my god!” he practically moaned. “This is delicious.”  
“Is there something you actually needed to do in the kitchen?” you looked over at him sucking some spaghetti into his mouth. “Or did you just come over to eat my food, and stop me from working?”  
“Again, I couldn’t sleep and then I heard the music and I could smell the food too, actually, so I came over to see who was here so late.”  
“Well, sorry to disappoint, Rogers. I’m gonna go back to working now.”  
The next 10 minutes were spent in silence, the only noises filling the kitchen coming from the forks hitting your bowls, or Steve’s little grunts and moans of appreciation. You were sure you would have had a hard time ignoring those sounds, if you weren’t so eager to crack down Hydra’s codenamed locations. Soon enough you only had one location left, once you cracked that one, you let out an excited shriek, startling Steve, as he did the dishes.  
“Jesus are you trying to kill me?”  
“I couldn’t care less about that right now. I just decoded the last location.” Steve stopped washing the dishes and walked over to the table. Standing behind you he placed each arm on either side of you and leaned forward to look at your computer. “Rogers?”  
“Yeah?”  
“I only allow people to breath down my neck during sex and that’s clearly not what we’re doing so can you respectfully fuck off? Maybe sit down next to me and I’ll turn the computer to the left, so you can see.”  
“Sorry.” He hurriedly removed his hands from the table and sat down next to you instead. “So many bases have we got left?” He asked.  
“6 plus the main one, once we get them all there’s no 2 more to take its place.”  
“So do you need me to inform the team tomorrow about a mission to the smallest one?”  
“No.”  
“What do you mean no?”  
“I’m not starting with the smallest one, Rogers.”  
“It’s the most sensible thing to do, Y/N.”  
“I thought we agreed you were dropping Hydra missions, Steven.”  
“Fine what’s your plan?”  
“Why do you need to know?”  
“I’m still your boss.” He said crossing his muscular arms over his toned chest.  
“I wish Tony was my boss.” You mumbled under your breath, loud enough for him to hear.  
“What? WHY?”  
“Multiple reasons. For starters, armour off, I can kick his ass, armour on, I can still kick his ass because I know where the weak spot is, because of all this he is positively terrified of me, and if I so much as look at him sideways, he shits his pants and my suit gets an upgrade, my closet does too. And perhaps the best reason of all is that, sadly, although I have been forbidden of using it, Tony is aware that my favourite weapon, can kill him before he evens knows what’s hit him.”  
Steve swallowed hard. “What is it?”  
“A mix of various spider and snake venom’s. Plus some lead, mercury, bunch of other stuff, but you get the gist of it. All toxic as fuck.” You shrugged. “Half a drop.” You gave Steve your evilest smile. “Anywhere on your skin.” You traced your fingers up his forearm, not fully touching him. “And you’re dead. No traces. No mess to clean. I’m the only one in the world who knows how to make it, the only one who’s immune. And I have a stash in my bedroom.”  
“Jesus Christ.” Steve said under his breath.  
“They don’t call me Crimson Viper ‘cause it’s cute Rogers.” Steve actually looked scared. “The point is, if Tony Stark was my boss,” you said tapping your chest, with your fingers “I’d be yours.” You lifted your finger and bopped his nose as you finished the sentence. He flinched at the contact. “Oh relax! If I wanted you dead do you really think you’d still be alive?”  
He rolled his eyes before he mumbled under his breath. “Black Widow is scarier than Crimson Viper anyway.”  
“You take that back right now!”  
“Make me.” The sparkle in his eyes was evil.  
You leaned forward on your chair, bringing your lips to his ear, and resting one hand on his chest, it was a lot harder than you thought it would be. “Are you sure you want me to do that, Steve?” you heard him loudly exhale, and before he could answer you moved your hand from his chest to his ear lobe, and you pulled it, bringing his head down you trapped it between your knees. You quickly grabbed his hands, twisted them so they were facing outwards, and pulled both his arms towards you. You could hear his muffled groans of pain. “Have anything you want to tell me, Steven?”  
“No.”  
“Okay.” You pulled harder on his arms and tightened the pressure of your knees on his head.  
“Alright, alright stop.” He whined, you released some of the pressure on his head and eased his arms a bit forward.  
“I’m listening.”  
“You’re scarier than Natasha.”  
“And?”  
“Crimson Viper is a better name than Black Widow.”  
You let go of his arms and allowed him to lift his head. When he looked at you your face adorned a smug smile, and your eyebrow was raised.  
“You’re evil.” He said with half a smirk.  
“No argument there. It’s your fault, really. You shouldn’t bite off more than you can chew.”  
He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “The plan?”  
“Oh right! I got carried away. We take the main one first.”  
“What?”  
“We take the main one first.”  
He rolled his eyes at you. “I’m not deaf, I heard you just fine. What I mean is, that’s not safe.”  
“None of these missions are.” You said with a shrug. “If we take down the main safehouse we get layouts, and probably access codes and all that and it will make infiltrating the smaller ones a lot easier. I was thinking me, Nat, Banner, Vis, Wanda and Sam.”  
“But you won’t know where to go.”  
“Banner can break walls, and Wanda and Vision are powerful as fuck in case you’ve forgotten. I’m not worried about keeping anything but the computers safe on this one.”  
“When did you have time to come up with that?”  
“You’ve been sat right here with me the whole time.”  
“Well I have to admit it’s not a bad plan.” He said leaning back on his chair.  
“Is that compliment? You already gave my brain 2 orgasms earlier, is there a third one in the near future?”  
“Are you capable of one goddamn conversation without being sexually suggestive?”  
“Yes. But it makes you uncomfortable. And I love making you uncomfortable. Besides, it’s just plain funny.” You glanced over at the watch on your computer. “It’s half past 5, everyone will start getting up soon, do you want coffee?”  
“Oh, so you give coffee to people you don’t consider friends?” He crossed his arms over his chest and raised a perfect eyebrow at you.  
“I was going to, but you can forget about it now. And stop arching that brow, you dislike me as much as I dislike you. We can have civilized conversations about work because there’s mutual respect there, most of the time, when you’re not being a mission highjacking asshole, Cap and Viper get along. Y/N and Steve?” You got up and walked over to coffee maker, getting everything from the cupboards to start brewing. “Not so much.”  
“We had this conversation already.”  
“I remember I was there. 14 to 1 by the way.”  
He rolled his eyes. “I have something to tell you.”  
You furrowed your brow and sat on the counter facing Steve. “Why? I gossip with Sam, Nat and Tony, not you.”  
“Sam? What do you and Sam even gossip about?”  
“His sex life. Sammy has a very interesting sex life. And since my sex life has been stagnant for nearly 8 months, Samuel keeps me alive.”  
“That’s disgusting,” he said pinching the bridge of his nose “I should have never asked. But we’re off track here, I was thinking about what you said earlier about me and Hydra.”  
“About how I was right? Are you going to say it again? Because I’m so close to number 3 Steve.”  
“Stop talking, before I regret this. I was going to take a few more days to think about it, but then I came into the kitchen and we discussed your strategies.”  
“Rogers I was here, get to the point.”  
“Right. I’m giving up Hydra missions, and I want you to take over.”  
He caught you off guard, you didn’t know what to say and that a rare occasion. “You’re giving me full control of all Hydra missions? For real? No strings attached?”  
“I expect a strategy report before you leave and a mission report when you return.”  
A smile took over your features, but you didn’t want to thank Steve without giving him a hard time first. “Fuck, Steve! Oh my god!” you moaned, you closed your eyes and put a hand to your chest letting out a few whimpers and a shaky breath. “Yeah, number 3 was definitely the best one.” You fanned your face with hands for effect, and opened your eyes to find Steve staring, mouth slightly open, his tongue tracing his bottom lip. You smiled and he blushed when you caught him gawking.  
“You’re a child.”  
“You want me to show you just how much I am not?” You raised an eyebrow at him, and he rolled his eyes. “I will say Rogers, if you keep making my mind cum like that, one of these days I’m going to expect the real thing.”  
“You know where my bedroom is.”  
You tried to find an answer, but nothing come to mind, instead you just sat there, mouth open, staring at Steve as his damn smug smile. This was not how the game went. You teased Steve, not the other way around. looking away to hide the faint blush that had started to cover your cheeks you said, “Well fuck me Rogers, that caught me off guard in anything ever did.”  
Steve shrugged and gave you yet another smug smile, “Guess you’re not the only capable of being an insufferable asshole.” You rolled your eyes but said nothing.  
A few more seconds of silence passed, and you jumped from the counter and poured two cups of coffee, walking to the table and giving Steve one. “Rogers? Thank you. About the Hydra stuff, not the…” You decided to shut up and show him the kindest most sincere smile you had instead.  
“Is that what your real smile looks like? It’s weird to look at you when you don’t look smug.”  
“Don’t push it Rogers. Remember. Half a drop.”  
“Ah! There’s the Y/N I know and tolerate.”  
You couldn’t help but laugh, and Steve followed you laughing too.  
**  
It had been two weeks since Steve has given you control of all Hydra missions. You had successfully taken out the main base, and 3 of the smaller ones, your initial plan had been a success and you were proud to see that your work was paying off. You had been a bit scared that your relationship with the team would change since you were kind off their boss now, but they respected you and you them, and the team was working flawlessly under your command. Though the best part had to be the team meetings. You had a priority seat at the top of table now, it was fun to tease Nat and Sam about it.  
Because of the promotion had you had begun to spend a lot more time with Steve, sure it was all about work but you started to notice he was much more laid back around you, and to your surprise he started flirting back whenever you teased him. It was weird. Steve Rogers wasn’t supposed to say that sort of thing. Besides, it was easy to flirt with him when you thought it made him uncomfortable, but if he flirts back then what does that mean? You didn’t want a relationship, and Steve had broken things off with Sharon just 3 months ago, so you doubted he wanted that. But if there was a degree of sexual attraction, which you were sure there was, at least on your side, should you do anything about it? Maybe it was all in your head, he had never shown any interest in you before, and you had gone a while without sex. Yeah you were probably just letting your imagination run wild because Steve’s, objectively speaking, the actual definition of sex on legs.  
At 5 AM you weren’t supposed to be in bed wondering if Captain America wants to fuck you, but it’s not like you were about to fall back asleep. You got up and put on a sports bra, pair of leggings that reached your knees and your most comfortable trainers. You tied your hair and headed for the kitchen, where you got yourself two bottles of water, an apple and 2 protein bars, that you ate on your way to the compound’s gym. Once there you put on your earphones and stretched for a few minutes before you ran for 20 minutes and used the lat-pulldown machine, for 15 minutes. You decided you should probably work on your legs today since you didn’t always have access to the machines, so you used the calf raise machine for 20 minutes and then the leg press for another 20. To finish things off you wrapped your hands and headed for the punching bag, feeling glad that Steve wasn’t there to hog it. You had been beating the punching bag for about 10 minutes when you felt someone grab your bare waist, you didn’t have time to think about turning to see who it was so instead you reached behind you to grab their neck and swiftly rolled whoever was behind you over your shoulder and dropped them harshly on the floor in front of you. You looked down and saw Steve, eyes closed, he looked like was wincing in pain. You took off your earphones to speak to him.  
“Steve? What the fuck?”  
“Really? No ‘I’m sorry’?” He said bringing his knees up, setting his feet on the floor.  
“Are you fucking kidding me? Why would you grab a former assassin from behind while I was working out, and listening to music? Did you really think that was a good idea?”  
He opened his eyes and looked up at you, with a smile. “I was trying to scare you. The punching bag is my thing. I was trying to claim it.”  
“You’re an idiot.” You dropped to your knees beside him. “Are you okay?”  
He gasped and propped himself up on his elbows. “Are you worried about me?”  
You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the smile that crept up your lips “Don’t be ridiculous. This is entirely self-preservation. If I break Captain America, I’ll have a mob with torches and pitchforks at my doorstep.”  
“Sure.” He said with a smug smile.  
“Can I go back to my work out?”  
“Why are you working out at 06:30 AM? How long have you been here for? You look sweaty.”  
“I couldn’t sleep anymore, and about an hour and a half. Why are you here?”  
“You weren’t in the kitchen for breakfast. Natasha couldn’t find you in your bedroom, so she ordered everyone to go look for you.”  
“Why did you come to the gym?”  
“I asked F.R.I.D.A.Y. where you were.”  
You saw the seriousness in Steve’s eyes, and burst out laughing. Steve followed you and soon enough the two of you were wiping tears from your eyes. “We run a team of idiots.”  
“I know right? Bruce has 7 PhDs, Tony literally designed the system, Vision used to be the system. Leave it to the guy born in 1918, to think of using the technology.” He said still laughing.  
“Should we ask F.R.I.D.A.Y. to let them know you found me?”  
“Nah. I think they should think to ask themselves.”  
“Okay then. I’m going back to my punching bag.” You got up, and stood next to the bag, looking down at Steve, who was still lying down by your feet.  
“It’s my punching bag.”  
“Technically it’s Tony’s punching bag. He did pay for it.” You said raising an eyebrow at him.  
“Yeah, but it’s my thing.”  
“You wanna fight me for the punching bag, Rogers?”  
“Sure, that sounds fun.”  
“Come at me, Grandpa. Let’s see what you got.”  
“Did you seriously just call me grandpa?”  
“Aww, has the hearing started to go?”  
Steve didn’t reply, instead the grabbed the bare skin of your leg, and pulled you down to the floor, you landed on your back with a thud.  
“Don’t look so old now, do I?”  
He got up and stood above your waist, one leg on either side of you, and his hands on his hips. You quickly pulled your legs towards your chest and kicked both his knees, catching him by surprise as he stumbled back, you got up quickly, quirking an eyebrow at him.  
“Alright. You wanna play? Let’s play.” He said walking up to you. He threw a right hook your way, but you moved your head out of the way. That gave you the perfect opportunity to punch his ribcage, he huffed but hit your stomach before you could react. He spun you around and grabbed both your hands, you were sure he meant to pin your arms behind your back but he was too slow, and the distance he put between you just what you needed. You jumped hiking your legs up enough to allow yourself to rotate, and before Steve knew what hit him you were sat on his shoulders, your knees pointing inwards as your feet were pulling his arms back. You were about to throw a sassy remark at him, when he threw himself back, making the both you fall. You were surprised by his actions and because of that your legs had moved just enough that Steve could move his arms. You were both on the floor and Steve spun around, no doubt thinking about moving over you so he could pin you down and claim his victory, so before he could, and while his head was still the only thing past your waist, you crossed your ankles behind his head, and pushed back on his shoulder blades, making him fall. You wanted to claim your victory, you really did but your mind had frozen, because you looked down and saw Steve’s blue eyes staring up at you from between your legs, and then all you could feel was his breath on your most sensitive spot.  
Steve looked equally as confused, although you didn’t really know why. Neither of you moved, how long you stayed there, looking into each other’s eyes, feeling his breath on you, you have no idea. In a way it felt like hours, and at the same time not nearly long enough.  
You only looked away from Steve when you heard the gym’s door open, you felt him look too, because his chin pressed against your mound and his breath moved to your thigh, as his head rotated.  
Natasha and Sam walked in looked down at you, he smirked at the two of you and crossed his arms, Nat just looked annoyed. “What the hell? We’ve been looking for you Y/N. Why didn’t you say you found her Steve? And what the hell are you two doing?” She asked and pointed at you.  
“Huh?” Was all you could ask, you were almost confused by her last question, and then you looked down to find Steve looking up at you again. “Oh shit.” You uncrossed your legs and Steve lifted his head, giving you enough space to move back and get up, he then did the same.  
“Is nobody answering the question?” Sam said with far too much amusement in his voice.  
“We were…” you and Steve said at the same time, you looked at each other and exchanged an awkward smile, you extended your hand, as to say, he should speak. “We were fighting over the punching bag.”  
“Yeah, and now we’ll never know who won because you interrupted us.” You said.  
“How long ago did you find her Rogers?” Nat asked, clearly still annoyed.  
“About 15 or 20 minutes ago, as soon as you started this man hunt, actually.”  
“Yeah, he asked F.R.I.D.A.Y. which is what someone else should have done. And by the way, why did you organize a man hunt, Nat?”  
“You weren’t there for breakfast, I was worried.” She said crossing her arms.  
“Next time ask the AI. I already had breakfast, and I’m going to go have a shower.”  
You started walking away and heard Sam laugh. “Hope it’s a cold one Y/N, you look like you need it.”  
**  
The surveillance footage the Stark satellites had been picking up from the 3 hydra bases your team hadn’t taken down yet was showing that they were trying to improve their security, since they were closer than ever from total annihilation. You couldn’t help the sense of pride that washed over you, knowing it was your leadership that had brought hydra to their deathbed, but at the same time you were annoyed that they were improving their security, that meant new strategies and more work on new plans. You had spent the entire week reviewing the new intel and figuring out the best way to dismantle the next base, and you planned on doing just that tonight.  
You had bumped into Steve in the kitchen, a few more times. It was strange. It never used to happen, even though you usually went to the kitchen when you couldn’t sleep anyway. But you didn’t mind his company. He cooked for you in a few occasions. Sometimes you’d discuss an upcoming mission. Sometimes you wouldn’t say a word to each other, you’d sit in silence, each of you sipping a cup of coffee, while you read a book. It was nice in a way, if you were being honest. But part of you hated it. Steve was starting to match your teasing in a way you hadn’t anticipated, you couldn’t say you disliked it but it was certainly infuriating. He was gorgeous, and you were very much attracted to every inch of his body. Having to take his flirty behaviour without acting on it would be the death of you.  
You looked at the clock on the computer’s screen. 04:48 AM. You’d been awake for over 30 hours now, but it’s not like you’d fall asleep if you tried, so instead you walked to the kitchen, already feeling the taste of the coffee you were going to make. When you got there Steve was already sat at the table, hunched over something, his phone you assumed.  
“Ahoy Captain!”  
He lifted his head to look at you and you could see a smile tugging at his lips, “That’s not funny.”  
“Really? Then why are you trying so hard not to smile?”  
He gave you a crooked smile and a single breathless laugh. “What brings you here tonight?”  
“Well my head would just about explode if I kept on going through the surveillance footage, and the blueprints, and the tactical plans. And I just need a break really. Oh and coffee! Lots of coffee.”  
“When’s the last time you slept?  
“Last night. I slept from 1AM to 4AM.”  
“That’s ridiculous, you need to rest.”  
“Why are you so worried anyway? We’re not friends, remember?”  
His smile faltered. Your heart felt tight at the sight. “I don’t know, Y/N. I thought we were doing better.”  
You walked up to the table and sat in front of Steve, you wanted to reach over and hold his hand, but you couldn’t, that didn’t make sense, “We were. We are. What I meant to say was, you don’t have to worry I can take care of myself. It won’t get in the way of the mission either, I promise.”  
“Okay.” He smiled at you. It was small, but sincere, so you smiled back. “I’m still not used to you not looking smug.”  
“Aaaand you ruined it. Such a beautiful moment, and you ruined it.” You shook your head and rolled your eyes. But you couldn’t hide the smile that crept up your face, soon you and Steve were both laughing.  
“Can I ask you something?”  
“Sure, what do you wanna know, Rogers?”  
He sat up straight, held his hands out in front of him, and gulped? Was he nervous? Why was he nervous?  
“Steve? You okay?”  
“Yeah, yeah, I just,” he let out a long breath, “There’s something going on, right? There’s clearly something going on?”  
“What do you mean going on? Do you think we’re in danger?”  
“What? No! Ah shit. Let me start over,” He took and leaned forward on the table, his eyes capturing yours, “there’s something going on between us.”  
“Oh.”  
“Am I wrong?”  
“No.”  
His whole demeanor changed as soon as he heard that one word, he looked smug. Smug was a new look on Steve. Smug was a good look on Steve.  
“How do you want to play this, Y/N?”  
“What?” You felt your eyes go wide. He wasn’t suggesting the two of you should? No. He’s Captain America he doesn’t do that sort of thing. Right?  
“If you don’t want too, then that’s fine, we’ll forget this conversation and I’ll apologize to you, and we never have to talk about this again.”  
“And if I want too?”  
“Then I’d be better off showing you what’s going to happen than telling you about it.”  
“ Well Captain if you wanna be with me, I can make your wish come true.”  
“That easy, uhm?”  
“I don’t really see the point of dragging this along. You rub me the right way. You really do.” You gave him a smug smile.  
He arched an eyebrow at you, “So what now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that's a mean way to end things, but look at it on the bright side, I posted the 2 first parts on tumblr like a month ago so chapter 2 will be up in a few minutes, you don't have to worry about waiting until you're done with that!  
> Come bother me about my fic [on tumblr](https://the-hell-i-cant-im-a-captain.tumblr.com) or thirst over Chris Evans [on my main blog](https://its-a-pretty-interesting-wall.tumblr.com)


	2. A Mutually Beneficial Agreement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Quite frankly I don’t see the point of discussing that sort of thing. I’ll never be able to judge your, abilities until you show me what you can do, Rogers.”   
> “Oh I plan on showing you. But we need rules first.”  
> “Gee, Rogers you sure know how to make a girl feel special, don’t you?”  
> “Cut the sass, I’m being serious. We need rules because this a mutually beneficial agreement, not a relationship, are we on the same page about that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so part 2 starts right where 1 ended, there's some smut, and please cut me some slack as it was the first time I've ever written smut, hopefully you'll like it. At some point it's said Steve's 99, and I know he turned 100 this July but this is before that. Also it should be noted that none of the chapters had names on tumblr and I'm having fun naming them.

“Well this isn’t a conversation I ever thought I’d have with Captain America.” you said with a giggle.

He arched that perfect eyebrow at you, “Are you complaining?”

“Oh not one bit. But I do have a request, if that’s alright,” he simply nodded so you continued, “come over here please,” he furrowed his brow in confusion but got up and walked to your side of the table nonetheless. He stood a few feet away from you, “No closer,” he took a reluctant step towards you.

“Why am I doing this exactly?”

“Just one more step and you’ll see.”

“If I take another step there will barely be any space between us,” you rolled your eyes at him and let your unimpressed expression do the talking, “fine, jesus, no need for all that,” he took a final step towards you.

He was so close you could feel the heat of his body, and now, sat there at eye level with his chiseled torso you’d finally be able to do something you’d been dreaming off since the first time you’d met him. You slowly moved your hands to his hips, allowing your fingers to reach under his tight t-shirt and touch the smooth skin

“What are you doing?” he asked, you couldn't see his face but he sounded amused.

You looked up and smiled at him, you slid your hands to his lower back and then further down, until they came to a stop, one over each perfect curve of Steve’s ass. He was looking down at you with a raised eyebrow, but an amused smile, so you squeezed each buttcheek, like you’d been meaning too for years now. It was every bit as firm as you had imagined, and then some.

“Fucking hell, Steve,” you let your head rest against his abs, your hands still holding onto Steve’s ass, “you can kill me now, I’ll die a happy woman.”

He let out a deep laugh, “Are you done now?”

You looked up at him again, the amused smile on his face mirroring yours.

“Do I get to do this again later?”

“If that’s what you want.”

“Then yes,” you gave him one more squeeze, his eyes went wide with surprise, you shrugged “it’s for the road,” before you laughed and let go.

“And you had the audacity of calling me a pervert!”

“Actually, Steven, I called you a creep. Completely different,” you said with a shrug.

“Right,” he sat back down and rolled his eyes but his smile never faltered, “should we discuss the conditions of our agreement?”

“Oh wow, you make it sound so sexy.”

He leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms, “What should we discuss then? How I’m going to fuck you until you forget your own name? Or maybe I’ll bend you over and finger you until you’re dripping, spank you until you’re begging me to fuck you. You look like you’d like that,” he said raising an eyebrow, his voice low and smooth, “Is that the type of thing you’d rather discuss, Y/N?”

“Quite frankly I don’t see the point of discussing that sort of thing. I’ll never be able to judge your, abilities until you show me what you can do, Rogers.”

“Oh I plan on showing you. But we need rules first.”

“Gee, Rogers you sure know how to make a girl feel special, don’t you?”

“Cut the sass, I’m being serious. We need rules because this a mutually beneficial agreement, not a relationship, are we on the same page about that?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t be your girlfriend if T’Challa offered me all the Vibranium in Wakanda.”

“That really hurts my feelings,” He said with an exaggerated hurt expression, bringing his right hand to his chest and grabbing his left pec, he probably meant to signal to where his heart was, but that’s not where your focus was, not right now, “but the feeling is mutual.”

“So what rules do you think are essential?”

“First and foremost, we keep this between the two of us.”

You thought of it for a second, “I agree. They don’t need to know. That means no kind of unusual contact when we’re not alone.”

“I was thinking more like no unusual contact outside of our rooms? Wouldn’t that be safer?”

You shrugged, “ I supposed it would be,” you leaned forward resting your forearms on the table, “but where’s the fun in that? Think about it, wouldn’t it be exciting? You could take me right now, on this table, and in a while the whole team will come here, sit down, eat breakfast, right where you fucked me, Steve. And we’d sit with them, pretend you hadn’t been buried deep inside me right here. Wouldn’t you like that?”

“What if we got caught?”

“Is that not part of the fun? Knowing we’d have to be quick, lest we be caught?”

“Is that what you’re into, Y/N?”

“Not 5 minutes ago you said you wanted to spank me, who are you to kinkshame me, Steven?” He was about to respond when you cut in, “I’m into a lot of things. And I don’t often get to explore them, so I think that should be another rule, as long as we’re not uncomfortable or completely turned off by something then we should try each other’s kinks.”

“You drive a hard bargain.”

“I’m a good negotiator.”

“Okay, and when we’re not trying to appease your public sex kink? Where do we meet?”

“I think my bedroom. You’re a super soldier, I will hardly be able to wear you out, but you could probably kill me with your dick if you tried hard enough. So, yeah. My room. That way you leave when we’re done.”

“So no staying the night should be in the rules as well.”

“Yes, and no cuddling, I feel like that be bordering a relationship too much.”

“I agree, no cutesy pet names either.”

“Agreed and we keep this between the two of us.”

“That seems reasonable to me. No stealing my clothes!” He said pointing at you.

“Right because I’m just dying to wear sweats that could fit 3 of me in them and stretched out shirts,” you said sarcastically.

He rolled his eyes in response before continuing, “We should tone down the flirting and teasing as well.”

“What? No. We’ve always been like that if we stop they’ll know something is up.”

“Fair point. Natasha is very perceptive, we need to be careful around her.”

“So are those all the rules, Steve? Or is there anything we’re forgetting?”

“I don’t think so,” he smiled and leaned over the table, “you should come over now, I’ve been meaning to wipe that smug smile off your lips with mine for a while now.”

“Move your chair back,” you got up and walked over to his side of the table, when he was far enough from it you straddled his lap, and circled his neck with your arms. His hands settled on your waist, and he pulled you closer to him, so there was barely room between your bodies. And Steve was so warm, and solid, all of him was solid, but strangely comfortable, like you were never meant to sit anywhere else because his lap was the most perfect seat in the world, his body felt as if it was meant to fit yours. You could feel his eyes on your lips, so in turn you looked at his, and you when saw his tongue tentatively swipe across the lower one you lifted your head and tilted it slightly. He lowered his head until his mouth was covering yours, his lips lightly brushing against your own, hovering just a moment before finally and completely sealing the distance between the two of you. His lips felt warm and soft as they molded to yours, fitting against yours and moving with you in the best possible way. Your eyelids fluttered shut and you lost yourself to the way it felt, the spark that lingered between you as your lips parted allowing him to taste you. When his tongue touched yours your whole body felt more alive than ever and you gently rolled your hips against his, relishing on the grunt he let out, he let his hands fall from your waist to your ass, and cupped both cheeks, gently squeezing them. He used his grip on them to help you rock your hips against his, and when a moan escaped your lips he broke the kiss to mouth along your jaw, and down your neck, your hands instinctively moved to pull his hair. He moaned against your skin at the light tugging and when he started licking and kissing along your collarbone you began to let out breathless whimpers. They must have caught his attention because he quickly crashed his lips against yours again, his tongue immediately searching yours. After a few seconds more he pulled away from your mouth, his forehead leaning against yours, both of you breathing heavily, he gently rubbed his nose against yours before you both opened your eyes again. He leaned back on his chair and you against the table, you couldn’t stop the smile that took over your face.

“You still look smug,” he said, “looks like I might have to kiss you again.”

You let out a breathless chuckle, “I certainly won’t complain if you do.”

He leaned closer to you ready to press your lips together one more time, when you heard steps coming towards the kitchen.

“Must be later than we thought,” you whispered in his ear, “we’ll have to continue this some other time,” you said as you got off his lap, letting your hand fall to grasp and gently stroke his full length over his clothes. Bending down so your mouth was by his ear again you said, “Don’t get up, you’ll have some explaining to do if anyone sees this,” you lightly squeezed him before you removed your hand and walked over to the coffee pot.

That’s what you came in here for, coffee.

“Good morning,” Natasha said walking into the kitchen, “Oh! Are you just starting on that coffee? I could use some.”

“I was thinking about making enough for everyone, what time is it?” you asked.

“06:30,” she replied looking at her phone.

“Yeah, I’ll make enough for everyone, they should all be here soon anyway.”

Natasha sat down, and looked over at Steve, “Steve you're awfully quiet,” she said with a smirk.

“I’m not sure I know what you mean?”

“Well you didn’t say hello, or ask about Bruce, which are both things you always do, you’re not making toast either.”

“You’ve been here 30 seconds,” he said furrowing his brow, you had to stifle a giggle.

“She’s a spy Steve, what were you expecting?” you asked trying to ease the slight tension, “We over analyze everything, it’s like you haven’t known us for years now.”

He looked over at you, giving you a slightly amused smirk paired with a perfectly arched eyebrow, “I’m just not in the mood today, Natasha,” he said looking at her, putting on a friendly smile, “I’m sorry if I was rude.”

She looked him over, planted her elbow on the table and rested her chin on her hand, “You’re lying,” her head snapped your way, “and you’re protecting him. I’ll find out what’s up soon enough, just you wait.”

“I look forward to your conclusions, Romanoff,” he said to her.

“Coffee’s ready,” you brought the coffee pot over to the table, and took 3 mugs from the cupboard setting them down on the table before you left to go get spoons, sugar and creme.

The three of you sat quietly for a solid minute, while you all fixed yourselves a cup of coffee, until Natasha broke the silence.

“Ty trakhal yego!” (You fucked him!)

“I would love too, but I did not,” you said not lifting your head from your coffee.

“Fine,” she said rolling her eyes, “but I will find out.”

“I’m lost,” Steve said. But before any of you could explain the rest of the team joined you for breakfast.

“Don’t worry about it,” you said with a shrug. Natasha eyeing you suspiciously, over her mug.

**

As the day went on didn’t have a chance to speak to Steve again, by 5 pm you were sat in the office you both shared considering your plans for the next mission, when he walked in. He was wearing a tight white t-shirt and grey sweatpants, his hair slick with sweat, his hands still wrapped from using the punching bag. He smiled as he walked in and saw you sat there.

“I was hoping you’d be at the gym so we could talk,” he said.

“I figured the plan was more important,” you turned your chair so you could face him without turning your head, “We can talk now, if you want.”

“I’ve only got 2 things to discuss really,” you nodded telling him to continue, “We should write the rules down so we don’t forget,” he took a step closer to you, putting his hands on either side of your chair and leaning in he ran his nose on the side of your neck, and then brought his lips to your ear and said, “And we should go to your bedroom, and finish what we started this morning.”

“Aww, are you having trouble keeping it in your pants?” you looked at him with your ever present smug smile.

“Now what did I say about smug smiles?”

“That you wanted to kiss them off,” you said looking up at him, “But I can think of something else you can do to get this one of my face.”

“Is that so?”

You nodded, “Where’s everyone else?”

“Natasha’s giving them all a hell of a work out.”

“How did you get out of it?”

“I’m her boss, Y/N. Why were you not required to be there?”

“Well I give Natasha her workouts, I don’t suppose there’s much she could teach me. How long do we have?”

“Probably another couple hours.”

“Then let’s not waste anymore time.”

He took his arms away from your chair and you got up, both of you walking towards your bedroom. It was a silent and quick walk, full of nothing but anticipation, you could already feel yourself growing wet at the thought of what could happen. As soon as the two of you entered your bedroom his hands found your waist. He spun you around and his lips hungry found yours, your bodies pressed together as you held onto his arms, while the two of you clumsily removed your shoes and socks. It was fast and hungry, his lips parting letting his tongue swipe at your bottom lip, at that gentle touch you parted your lips, letting your tongue touch his and deepening the kiss, a few seconds later Steve pulled away from you.

“We really should get rid of all these clothes,” his hands grasped the hem of your shirt and he carelessly pulled it over your head, quickly moving to remove your jeans as well. You were left in nothing but your underwear.

“You feel overdressed now,” you pulled the string of his sweats and gently pushed them over his hips letting them fall to the floor. You carefully dipped the tips of your fingers under his t-shirt, allowing yourself to feel the smooth warm skin of his stomach before you grasped the fabric and helped him take it off, “Mmm, much better.”

His eyes were roaming your body, the same way yours were searching every inch of his skin, you couldn’t even find it in you to care that your underwear was mismatched, all you could think off was how good Steve looked, stood in front of you in nothing but a tiny pair of tight black boxer shorts, his cock already hard straining against the thin fabric.

You fell to your knees in front of him, tracing his erection with your fingers, “I think, you should try and get the smug smile off my face with this,” you inched closer, your breath on him making him shiver. You traced it with your lips, letting your tongue come out and lick the tip over the fabric, you didn’t miss how his breath hitched at the contact, “Tell me, Steven, how long would it take you to recover if I made you cum with my mouth?” you briefly looked up at him before mouthing at the tip again.

He let out a small moan before saying, “A couple of minutes.”

“Mmm, is that so?” you didn’t need him to respond.

You let your hands travel up his legs to the waistband of his boxers and pulled them down, finally releasing his erection, you grasped it, gently stroking his full length, carefully avoiding the tip, “Oh I’m gonna have some fun with this,” he looked like he was about to say something, but before he had a chance he felt your tongue caressing his balls, while you continued to stroke him. All he managed to let out was a shaky breath, right before you parted your lips and slowly sucked on his balls while your hand finally went all the way up to the tip and twisted gently.

You kept it up for a little while, a slow steady rhythm that had Steve closing his eyes, and parting his lips, letting whimpers out. You removed your mouth from his balls and started moving your hand at the tip only while your tongue caressed his shaft. You opened your mouth and pressed it to him, sucking up and down along one of the sides, then repeating it on the other. You kept it up until he let out a shaky “Oh fuck,” you could feel the pre-cum lubricating your hand and you ached to taste it, to taste him. You removed your hand from the tip and sucked along the right side of his cock, reaching the tip and opening your mouth to take him, your tongue dipping forward to taste him, you moaned around him when you finally tasted the salty liquid. Steve wasn’t indifferent to it, he let a hand fall to your head and pulled your hair gently, tipping your head up so he could look into your eyes, “You’re such a fucking tease,” you licked a stripe along his entire length, “I honestly don’t know what else you expected from me,” you said before you took him back into your mouth this time hollowing your cheeks trying to get as much of the impressive length into your mouth while your tongue caressed the underside of his cock. Both his hands were on your hair now, and you reached behind him to grab his ass. It was harder this time, since he was flexing it, but it didn’t stop you from digging your nails into it. His hips were slowly starting to move on their own and you looked up at him to find him staring at you, his eyes half shut and his mouth open, you pulled him closer to you using your grip on his ass, trying to tell him it was okay to take control, without having to stop, he seemed to understand because he asked “Are you sure?” you couldn’t nod, so you tried humming in approval. He felt the vibrations tearing through him and snapped his hips forward, setting a rhythm, thrusting in and out of your mouth, hitting the back of your throat. You couldn’t take your eyes away from him, his brow furrowed, his face and chest flushed, the little moans escaping his swollen lips.

“Y/N, I… I’m so close,” you tried hollowing your cheeks a bit more, moving your tongue against the underside of his cock, so heavy and thick inside your mouth. You almost felt him swell as he found his release, filling your mouth while you tried to swallow every last drop, moaning at the taste while he was still cumming down your throat. Finally he was spent, but still as hard as before, he let go of your hair, and slipped his cock out of your mouth. He looked down, both of you still breathing heavily, he saw how swollen your lips were, the saliva and his cum dribbling down your chin, he opened his mouth trying to find the words, but all of them seemed lost on him in that moment, he pulled you back up on your feet and gripped your chin, pulling your mouth to his immediately searching for your tongue with his. He could still taste himself in your mouth, and it was obscene, and it took all of his strength to let go of your lips.

“Guess it’s your turn now,” he said, his lips almost brushing against yours.

“Think you can do better?”

“Is that a challenge?”

“Only if you think you have a shot at winning, Rogers.”

He let his hands travel to your waist, slowly inching up until he found the curve of your breasts, reaching behind you to unclasp your bra, sliding the straps down your shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. He kissed the corner of your mouth, trailing kisses along your jaw and down your neck, bending down to run his tongue along your collarbone, dragging his lips down, his tongue peeking out to taste your left nipple, gently sucking it into his mouth, flicking it with his tongue. He gently pinched your right nipple with his hand without stopping the warm feeling of his mouth on the left.

You could feel how wet he was making you, when he dragged his teeth along your nipple you couldn’t stop the moan you let out, you grabbed onto his hair, “Steve…”

He looked up and smiled, letting your nipple escape from his mouth, “What? Don’t tell me you thought you were the only one who knew how to be a tease”, he pinched your nipple. Your mouth fell open at his movement, his hands found your waist and he pulled you over to the bed, pushing you onto it. He ran his hands up your legs, stopping to grab your waist. His thumbs rubbing at the fabric still hiding you from him. He pulled them off sliding them down your legs. His hands ran from your ankles all the way up to your thighs, he let his finger slowly dip between your folds.

“Oh Y/N, you’re soaking wet for me,” he said his eyes never leaving his finger, he dipped his head closer, but mouthed along your navel instead of giving you what you wanted.

“Steve, please,” your voice was hoarse, his warm breath so close to your pussy, the slight pressure of his finger, his beautiful blue eyes looking up at you from between your legs. You could barely take it, you needed to feel his mouth, his tongue on you.

“Begging already? I thought it would take longer to get you to do that.” his eyebrow raised as he spoke, his mouth lowering to drop a kiss on the inside of your thigh. His finger finally moved, dipping in but only until the first knuckle. “You’re making it hard for me, saying my name like that. Looking so beautiful spread open on the bed like this. I’ve wanted to taste you for years, Y/N, never thought I’d get the chance. But you’re just inches away from my face, you look delicious, you smell delicious too,” he pulled his finger away and used both his hands to spread your lips for him, he was so close you could feel his breath on you, “I’m not sure teasing you is worth the wait.”

With that he licked a stripe from your entrance all the way up to your clit. You gasped and let out a strangled moan. He groaned and you felt the vibrations tear through you. Before you could say anything he tongue was lapping at your hole, pushing into it gently, his hands circled your waist holding you down, as he fucked with his tongue, the bridge of his nose gently rubbing against your clit. You threaded your fingers through his hair, tugging it, getting lost in the feeling of him. Desperate moans and whimpers escaped your lips as his mouth moved to circle your clit and two of his thick long fingers pushed into you. Your hips were moving on their own now, even though his arm was trying to keep you in place, you could barely take the pleasure anymore. They way he steadily sucked your little bundle of nerves into his mouth, gently trapped between his teeth, his tongue massaging it, his fingers curled inside of you relentlessly hitting that sweet spot inside of you. You had been feeling the heat pooling in your stomach for a while, and it kept on growing stronger with each passing second, you pulled his hair harder than before and he moaned into you, the vibrations amplifying all the pleasure he was already giving you, it was the push you needed to fall over the edge. Your thighs pressed together, while your whole body shook in bliss, your eyes rolled back and you moaned all the way through it. Steve kept on sucking and fingering you through your orgasm until finally you were spent, your legs fell open to his sides and he crawled up your body, trailing wet kisses over your stomach, between your breasts, and up your neck, until finally he reached your mouth, he dove in for a kiss letting you taste yourself on his lips, it was filthy and so incredibly hot. He pulled away and laid down next to you, “I have to say you taste even better than I could ever possibly imagine.”

You let out a breathless laugh, “I have to say you did well for a 100 year old man.”

“Hey! I’ll have you know, I’m not 100 for another few months. And I’m 99, I’m not dead!”

Your hand trailed down his body finding his hard cock and slowly stroking his full length, “That, my dear Steven, you are not.”

He propped himself up on his elbow and looked you with a smirk, “So I’m your dear Steven now?”

You rolled your eyes at him, “Just shut up and fuck me.”

“If you insist,” he rolled over on top of you, holding himself up with his hands on either side of your chest. He bent down to kiss you and as he did his hard cock started rubbing against your wet pussy. As his tongue was wrestling yours you both kept on rocking your hips together, moaning into each other’s mouth at the sensation.

He pulled away from your mouth, “Do you have any condoms?”

“I thought I told you I haven’t had sex in 8 months, why would you think I have condoms?”

“Well what are we supposed to do now?”

“Are you clean?”

“What? Yes.”

“So am I, so shut up and get inside me.”

“But you could get-”

“I can’t,” you interrupted wrapping your legs around his slim waist and pulling him closer to you, “and I told you to shut up and get inside me.”

He lined his tip with your wet entrance and slowly pushed into you. The stretch was agonizingly delicious, his brow was furrowed and his eyes half closed. He was paying close attention to the way your body took his, biting his lip, smoothly pushing every thick inch of himself into you until finally his hips were resting against yours. You had never felt so full in your life, your walls fluttered around him and he let out a broken moan. When his hips started to move again your already uneven breathing hitched, and a small whimper left your parted lips. Steve leaned forward, pulling you into a kiss as his hips picked up speed, his hand reached between your bodies to rub your clit just as his cock started rubbing against that sweet spot inside you. You circled your arms around his broad shoulders letting your hands roam freely over his sculpted back, digging your nails into his soft flesh with every perfect thrust. You were moaning louder and louder against his lips until he pulled away, watching how you pushed your hips towards his meeting his every thrust. He picked up the pace, taking in how beautiful your looked moaning his name, your face twisted in pleasure, your hands leaving his back, tugging at your nipples. He had you on the brink of orgasm and he knew it, the way your body was moving with his, how were tightening around him, he was close himself, how he could he not be? When you looked and felt like that.

“Steve, I’m so close.”

“Let go Y/N, I’m right behind you.”

You took his words to heart and let go, the pleasure rippling over you, leaving you breathless, every muscle in your body contracted and in doing that you pulled Steve impossibly closer to you, that, along with you moaning his name, and the way your pussy clenched repeatedly around his cock pushed him over the edge and before he knew it he was spilling into you. Filling you with his cum, not once stopping his thrusts, fucking the two of you through both your orgasms.

When he was finally spent he collapsed on the bed next to you, grabbing your chin to pull your lips into a searing kiss, he pulled away but you put your hands on either side of his face bringing him in for another kiss. You rested your forehead against his and let out a small giggle.

He softly laughed himself, pushing away from you with a sweet smile on his swollen lips, “Why are you giggling?”

“I just had sex with Captain America.”

“Did you?” he asked, raising an eyebrow and smiling, “Was he has bad as everyone assumes the old man is?”

“Oh yes, absolutely terrible! Took him about two whole minutes to be hard again after a blowjob, and he only made me cum twice! Can you believe it? Terrible, terrible sex. 10/10 would recommend.”

He laughed, his hand pushing some stray hairs behind your ear. He cupped your cheek and leaned in to leave a single chaste kiss on your lips, “You’re such a little shit.”

“You say that like you don’t like it.”

“I don’t.”

“Oh yeah, lie to a spy, what a brilliant idea Steve,” he rolled his eyes, his hand still resting on your cheek, “How long do you think we have before they’re done training?”

“I don’t know, F.R.I.D.A.Y. how long is there left to the team’s workout?”

“According to Ms. Romanoff’s plans for today the workout should be completed in 48 minutes, Captain Rogers,” the AI said.

“Well, Y/N, we have 48 minutes what do you want to do now?”

“Shower. We both need a shower.”

“Are we using yours? You know, to save water and all.”

“Sure save water,” you repeated with an amused smile, “Get your ass in the bathroom Rogers.”

He did a flimsy salute from where he was laying, “Yes ma’am.”

You rolled your eyes, and followed him into the bathroom, only just realizing that this was the first time you got to see his bare ass on display, you couldn't help yourself and got closer to him so that you could grab two handfuls of it. He laughed at it, and you figured it was a good thing he was okay with you loving his ass. You weren’t about to let go of it now.

“What the fuck?” he said as he walked in.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“You have a bathtub?”

“Yeah.”

“How? Why?”

“I thought I told you Tony’s my bitch. I asked for one and I got it.”

“It’s huge!”

“Meant to fit like 4 to 5 people I think, I don’t know I only ever use it alone.”

“Okay fuck showering, we’re taking a bath,” he declared.

“Though you wanted to save water,” you said as you walked up to the bathtub, turning on the water.

“Oh fuck you.”

“Indeed you did.”

You picked up a small towel and handed it to Steve getting one of yourself as well.

“Y/N I think these might be a bit small.”

“It’s not for after the bath! I have your cum dripping down my legs, and you’re a bit covered in it too. And I’m not about to bathe in your cum, Steven. Actually, you know what that sounded a lot worse in my head, nevermind!”

“No you’re right,” he said taking his towel and dipping it in the warm water of the bathtub, he walked up to you, “Spread your legs,” you did as he said and he carefully wiped away the mess between your legs and then his own, “Didn’t even need the two towels. Let’s get in the water,” he said taking your hand.

You both sat there for a few minutes just enjoying the warmth on your tired, sated, bodies, he turned to you, his brow furrowed like he wanted to say something.

“I won’t bite unless you ask me too, Steve, what is it?”

“When I asked about the condoms, earlier, you said you couldn’t… what they did to Natasha, did they do it to you too?” you nodded, he pulled you into his arms, and whispered into your hair “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’ve accepted it. I know I can’t change it.”

He didn’t say anything for a while he just tightened his arms around you, while his thumbs mindlessly rubbed your back.

“Your hair always smells nice. How fruity is your shampoo?”

“Well it’s raspberry and strawberry scented,” you said stifling a laugh.

“Don’t laugh I can’t walk around the compound smelling like your shampoo,” he said starting to laugh himself.

“It’s fine, honestly. Can you reach that bag by the sink?” he stretched his arm out and grabbed it. You opened the bag and looked through it until you found what you wanted, “Here,” you said holding your hand out to him, “That’s the stuff I use when I come back from a mission a bit… bloody. It doesn’t have a scent, and your hair will be soft as fuck.”

“Thank you,” the two of your finished cleaning yourselves in silence. Getting out of the tub and drying yourselves before you walked back out into the bedroom where you started getting dressed.

“Fuck,” Steve said.

“What’s wrong?”

“What am I supposed to wear?”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. how long until the work out is over?” you asked.

“9 minutes, Ms.”

“Well, Cap, unless you want to put on sweaty clothes right after a bath, I suggest you make a run for it, your bedroom is right down the hall anyway.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, grab your clothes and run to your bedroom,” you said not hiding the smile tugging at your lips.

“You want me to run. Naked. To my bedroom?”

“Yes, I don’t see any other choices unless you want to put on sweaty, smelly, dirty clothes.”

“Fine, give me my clothes,” he said holding out his arms, where you draped his dirty clothes.

“Hang on, let me put on a shirt and I’ll check if the coast is clear,” you said walking up to the door and looking around, “No one here.”

“I swear to god if anyone sees me -”

“You’ll do what?” you said fully grinning at him.

He walked up to you and poked his head out the door, checking to see if there was anyone in sight, and then quickly got out and started running to his bedroom. You started laughing at the sight “This is the best day of my life.”

“I heard that,” he said poking his head out his bedroom.

“Go get dressed, Steven.”

He rolled his eyes and went inside.

**

Later that day you were in the conference room with Natasha, Sam, Wanda and Rhodey, explaining your plan to take over the next Hydra base.

“So the gist of it is Natasha will backup the computers, and Sam and I will cover for her, while Wanda and Rhodey take out whichever operatives are out of our reach. Sounds simple enough, yes?” everyone nodded, “good, you’re free to go and I want you all in the hangar in 3 hours, ready to leave.”

Steve was waiting outside waiting for the meeting to end and walked in after everyone else left.

“Afternoon, Captain No Pants,” you said with a laugh.

“Am I ever going to live that down?”

“Not likely. What do you need?”

“Oh I just wanted to talk to you about this morning?”

“Elaborate, Rogers.”

“Natasha, when she walked in. She seemed suspicious. She asked you something in Russian what was it?”

“She said ‘You fucked him!’ and I said I’d like too but I hadn’t. Natasha doesn’t know shit, she always assumes everything I might hide is related to sex. She thought I was sleeping with Sam not long ago, and before that Rhodey. And that doesn’t even make sense because Rhodey is like, a dad, not a daddy, you know?” you saw the confusion in his face, “Nevermind, Steve, don’t worry about Nat, honestly she just thinks I need to get laid, which is true, by the way. But also if she finds out, I’ll have some words with Natalia, and she won’t tell.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know things she’s embarrassed of doing.”

“How bad can it be?”

“Honestly, from where I stand, not that bad, but she’s embarrassed of it so it’s useful ammo. Anything else?”

“No, not really.”

“Good, I have to go eat something before I leave for the mission.”

“I’ll come with you,” he said falling into place next to you, “So what’s the plan?”

You explained the detailed version of it while you prepared some food for the two of you.

“That sounds good, I’m sure you’ll be successful,” he said before stuffing some food into his mouth.

“What do I get if we’re successful?” you asked with a raised eyebrow, and a smug smile.

“Be successful first, and I’ll show you when you get back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems I love ending chapters in sexually charged situations, oh well.  
> I hope you enjoyed this part and that I can finish part 3 in a resonable ammount of time, but it's late november, and I have deadlines, and such so let's hope.


	3. You Could Sit With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You could sit here,” he didn’t meet your eyes when you looked his way, instead he was staring at his hands clamped together over his lap.
> 
> “Thank you, but I’m not taking your seat,” you told him.
> 
> His head snapped up, “No,” he said shaking his head, “I didn’t mean it like that, I meant, you could sit here with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 is here and i hope it's as good as you hope it to be!

Had the gym’s bathroom always been this small? It felt tiny today, but maybe that had more to do with Steve’s body pressing you against the wall than the actual size of the bathroom. He had told you while you were sparring to meet him there when you were both done, so when he went into the bathroom you pretended to leave and snuck inside. His lips had found yours immediately and right now you were helpless, pushed against a wall, his mouth devouring your neck as his hips rutted into yours. You could feel he was hard even through the layers of clothes between you. Both of you doing your best not too make a sound since the rest of the team was still in the gym. 

There was a knock at the door and his hips stilled, “Hey, Steve?” you heard Sam say.

The teasingly slow way he dragged his mouth down your neck had you biting your lips trying to contain a moan, “Yes?” he said, his voice was steady, as if nothing had been going on. And suddenly you had an idea.

“Are you okay?” Sam asked.

“Yes,” you hooked your thumbs to the waist of his sweatpants, getting a hold of his underwear too and pushed them both down. Steve looked at you with a confused expression.

“You sure, man?” 

You wrapped your hand around his length before he had a chance to answer and started to slowly stroke him, his breath hitched a little, “Of course I am,” he said, his voice starting to waver a bit, “What kind of question is that?” you dropped to your knees in front of him, still rhythmically stroking his hard length while you looked up and smiled.

“You’ve been here for nearly 10 minutes, I haven’t even heard the shower, you’re normally done in about 5.”

Just as Steve’s mouth opened to reply you leaned forward and licked a stripe on the underside of his cock, all the way to tip, he groaned lowly before speaking, “I’m just-,” you took the tip in your mouth gently sucking it, “ahh, I’m just taking my time today, Sam.”

“You’re making some weird noises,Steve, if something’s wrong you can tell me, you know that, right? Did you get hurt?” 

You parted your lips more, sucking more of him into your warm mouth, starting to slowly bob your head while your tongue rubbed against the underside of his cock. He tried putting his hands on either side of your head but you grabbed them before he could holding them behind his back instead. His breathing was ragged, “Yes, I know, but I’m fine, not hurt, I promise, I’m just in the mood to take my time today, Sam.” 

“Alright, if you say so, Steve.” 

You heard Sam’s footsteps as the sound grew distant, and Natasha’s voice as the glass doors that led back into the gym opened, you let go of his hands, bringing your mouth to his tip, lapping up the precum with your tongue before pulling away from his length, your hand reaching up to stroke him as you tilted your head, smiling up at him.

“What the hell were you thinking?” he asked you, placing his hands at his hips.

“That it would be real fun to make you want to moan while you were talking to Sam,” you let your hand slowly twist, gliding around the head, “and I was right.”

“Were you? I think you were being bratty,” he stated bringing his hand up to grab your chin, “and I know just what to do to bratty little girls like you,” it took all your strength not to moan when he dragged his thumb over your bottom lip, “Take off your clothes and get in the shower, make sure it’s warm enough before you go in.” 

You could only nod, your words failing you. This wasn’t the type of order you were used to getting from Steve, but it was the type of order you _could_ _get used_ _to_ getting from him. You pulled your shirt over head as you walked towards the shower, carelessly throwing it onto the floor, and reached for the shower tap to turn it on. The rest of your clothes quickly followed suit, and just as you were about to step in you felt his body pressed against yours. He dipped his head and whispered in your ear, “I changed my mind. Undress me before you go in.”

“Getting awfully bossy, aren’t we Steve?” you asked, turning around to push his sweats and underwear too the floor.

“You don’t seem to have an issue with it,” he smirked lifting his arms as you dragged your hands up his torso bringing his shirt up so you could take it off. 

You took a step into the shower but he grabbed your arm, “I didn’t say you could go in yet. Stay here and keep your legs apart,” he turned his back on you and walked up to his bag carelessly thrown on the floor and pulled out a small bottle.

“What’s that?”

“Lube. It’s waterproof. I didn’t want it to be uncomfortable for you,” he shrugged, a tiny smile on his lips.

“Oh! That’s… really thoughtful of you Steve.” 

“Yeah well, I fully intend to make it hard for you to walk, just not like this,” he winked as his hand dipped between the two of you bringing his cold slicked fingers to your core.

“You couldn’t just take the compliment, could you? You’re always such a little shit.” 

“Did I say walk?” he asked grabbing your arm and spinning around, “I meant sit,” with that you felt his hand harshly hit your ass, a small moan leaving your lips at the contact, “That one’s for calling me a little shit. You’ve got a few more coming for that little trick you pulled when Sam came over.” 

“Seems unfair that you’d punish me for something you so clearly enjoyed,” you said letting your smug smile take over your features.

“Always such a brat, aren’t you, Y/N?”

“Well if I wasn’t a brat, then how would we be having fun now?” 

“In the shower. Now.” 

You obediently stepped in, “Where do you want me?” 

“Put your hands against the wall,” he stepped in after you, bringing his hands to your waist and tugging it closer to him, “spread your legs for me.” 

You could feel the water hitting your back, the warmth enveloping you, and yet Steve’s hands at your waist seemed to be the warmest piece of you.

“Now,” he started, bringing his lips to your ear, “here’s how this will work, ‘cause I’m nice I’m only going to spank you 6 times,” his hands slid from your waist down to cup your ass, “3 on each side, and I’ll do it while my cock is inside you,” a tiny whimper escaped your lips, “so if you pull away and leave it out in the cold,” he continued, “the number goes up, is that clear?” 

“Steve, please,” your voice barely a whisper.

“You sound so pretty when you beg, Y/N, better than anything I could have ever dreamt of.” 

Before you could speak he brought his tip to your entrance, pushing himself fully into you in one swift motion, making the two of you gasp at the intrusion, then he pulled himself away from you, leaving maybe half of his impressive length inside you, “Now, that’s a pretty thick door,and shower is on not to mention Tony’s got his god awful music playing in the gym, but I know how loud you can be, so let's just be quiet, can you do that for me?” 

“I,” you couldn’t think, you knew you probably wouldn’t be able to be quiet, he hadn’t even done anything that pleasing to you and you felt like you could scream already, but the way he spoke to you, his voice so steady and deep, made you want to give him the world, be good for him, so even if you didn’t know you could, you continued, “yeah, Steve, yes I can do it, just please don’t make me wait, please, Steve, I-” the air was sucked out of your lungs when you felt his hand loudly and harshly come down on your left buttcheek, the sound filling your ears, and the slight pain making you moan shamelessly.

He dipped his head closer to your ear and gently nibbled your earlobe, “So, so pretty when you beg for me. But you said you could be quiet. And that wasn’t quiet, now was it?” 

“I’m sorry, I’ll do better next time, just please don’t stop.” 

“Always so eager for me,” he tapped two of his left fingers against your cheek, “open your mouth,” he said, and as soon as you did he slipped both fingers inside it, “suck them. Let’s see how loud you can be when that pretty mouth is full,” you let out a groan as your tongue dutifully enveloped his thick fingers, not ready for the way his words would shoot to your core.

Without warning he brought his hand down on your right cheek, making you moan around his fingers, he chuckled lightly, “this is meant to be a punishment you know? You’re not supposed to like it,” you almost opened your mouth to reply but all too quickly you felt his hand come down on your left cheek again, and then the right, and back to the left. “Only one more, you’re doing so well for me,” with that he brought his hand down on your soft flesh one more time, harder than before, you moaned loudly even with his fingers in your mouth. 

He pulled his hand away and you whimpered at the loss of his fingers, heavy in your tongue. He kneaded the firm flesh of your ass before pulling out from inside you and dropping to his knees, leaning forward to kiss the red marks his hand had left behind. He giggled, and before you could ask why you felt his teeth sinking into your right cheek, you gasped at the unexpected, but not unpleasant, pain.

“What was that for?” you asked when he rose back up and spun you around.

“You’re not the only one with a thing for asses. And I just like the idea of leaving my mark on you,” he plunged his head bringing his lips to yours in a bruising kiss, “now grab onto the rail and put these legs around me, I’ve waited long enough to wreck this pussy.” 

You quickly did as he asked, leaning your shoulders against the cold tile wall, while your hands stayed behind you holding on to the rail, and Steve held you up, one hand bruisingly clutching your ass while he lined himself up with you. His hips snapped forward and you crossed your ankles behind his back, trying to pull him closer to you even though he was buried to the hilt inside you. The warm water cascading on the two of you was softly tickling your skin, making your nipples stand proud and gently kissing your navel the way you’d grown used to feeling Steve do. He leaned forward, resting his forehead against yours, never stopping the inhuman rhythm of his hips as his drove himself into you over and over, hitting that sweet spot, and rubbing your clit between your bodies with every thrust, you could see in his eyes he was getting close, and couldn’t pretend you weren’t hanging on the edge. You angled your head enough to capture his lips in yours, your tongue immediately swiping at his bottom lip, his soft, full lips parting and granting you access, the feeling rushing from your lips to your core, tipping you over the edge. You groaned against his mouth, refusing to let go of it. Your clenching walls tightening around him triggered his own release, and his hips kept on erratically driving  into you, dragging out both your orgasms, until it was too much for either one of you.

You dropped one leg to the floor, and he slowly pulled out from inside you, easing your other leg down, you let go of the rail and rested your head on his chest, holding on to his forearms, you legs still wobbly. 

“I don’t know what got into you today,” you said against his skin, “but I like it.” 

He laughed, “We should probably shower now, sneak out before we get caught.” 

“Can’t,” you said wrapping your arms around his waist, “your dick killed me off.” 

“Oh it got you off, alright. Come on. I’ll help you out.” 

“Okay, but let’s just stand here under the water for a second. It’s nice.” 

He wrapped his arms around you, “Yeah. Okay. We can do that.” 

 

***

The door to your bedroom opened without F.R.I.D.A.Y. asking you if it could be unlocked, as it usually did.

“Anthony Edward Stark, what have I told you about entering my bedroom unannounced?” 

“Really? Oh hi Tony so lovely to see you!” he said, in an annoyingly high pitched voice that sounded nothing like you, “lovely to see you too Y/N,” he continued normally before returning to his ‘impression’ “So what brings you to my bedroom, you know the one you pay for?”

“Are you done?” you looked at him with a raised eyebrow, as you crossed your arms over your chest.

“Oh come on! Not the murder-glare! I just came into your bedroom!” 

“And why is that wrong, Anthony?”

“Because it’s your private space, the door is locked for a reason, and because it was my choice to build this compound and invite you all to live here so I don’t get to use the ‘I paid for it card’.”

“Not to mention?” you said, looking at him expectantly.

“You could be naked.” 

“Such a good parrot! Now if only you actually paid attention to the things I tell you!”

“I come in peace Y/N.”

“Just spill it Tony.” 

“We’re having a movie night, and it’s non negotiable. I have something wonderful everyone needs to see, so you better be in the living room at 8pm or we will be having words.”

“Will we really Tony?” you asked with a smirk on your face.

“No. Of course not. I can’t force you to do anything, you’d murder me. What a ridiculous question. But,” he said as he began to walk backwards towards the door, “You love me kiddo, even if you’re not willing to admit it, so you’ll be there because I asked.” 

 

***

At 7:55pm you left your bedroom and headed towards the living room, once you got there you found the whole team already sat down, even Peter had made it tonight. That, however, meant you were missing a seat, you’d have to squeeze in somewhere, grab a chair from the kitchen or resign to sitting on the floor. 

“I thought you said 8, Tony,” you told him.

“I did, and I was starting to think you weren’t coming,” he said wiggling his eyebrows at you, “Go sit I have something amazing to show everyone!” 

You looked around trying to find somewhere you could squeeze into but that didn’t seem to be an option. Natasha, Bruce, Clint, Sam, Rhodey, Tony and Peter were already crammed together in the largest sofa, while Wanda and Vision were sat together in the loveseat, and Steve was sat on the chair. So you sat down on the floor and rest your back against Natasha’s legs.

“Why are you on the floor?” Sam was quick to ask.

“Well have you looked around? We’re not exactly swimming in seats,” you told him.

“Surely we could squeeze you in,” Natasha offered.

“It’s okay, your legs are comfy,” you told her.

A few seconds passed while Tony was instructing F.R.I.D.A.Y. on what files he wanted to ready to play, when Steve’s voice broke through the room, “You could sit here,” he didn’t meet your eyes when you looked his way, instead he was staring at his hands clamped together over his lap.

“Thank you, but I’m not taking your seat,” you told him.

His head snapped up, “No,” he said shaking his head, “I didn’t mean it like that, I meant, you could sit here with me?” 

“You want me to sit with you?” 

“Yeah? I mean I’d feel bad if you were sat on the floor all night,” he shook his head and shrugged, “Come on, I’ve got tiny hips! My ass doesn’t take up that much space, you might have to lean on me, but surely that’s better than the floor?” he had a tiny, almost shy smile in his lips, it made you want to kiss him, but you couldn’t. Not now anyway.

“Okay,” you got up walking towards him, “But I’m sitting sideways, I’ll put my back against the armrest that way I don’t have to lean you. I’ll have to put my legs over your lap though, is that okay?” 

“Yeah!” he almost sounded excited, “Just make yourself comfortable.”

You pressed your back against the armrest, sliding into the spot between it and Steve’s legs, throwing your own across his lap, your feet dangling off the edge, “Is this okay?” you looked up to ask him.

“Yeah, it’s great,” he said with a smile.

You looked around the room to find Natasha and Sam staring at the two of you. He smirked. She raised an eyebrow and opened her mouth as if to start speaking, but before she could Tony got up and stood in front of the screen, “Avengers! Thank you so much for assembling here tonight! I have something very special to show all of you. The other day I was going through my father’s old files and I found something beautiful. It would seem our dear Captain has neglected to tell us he used to be a movie star,” Steve’s body stiffened under yours, “ luckily for us, good old Howard kept them! So I thought tonight we could watch them! And we’re starting with that wonderful USO tour you did,” Tony said looking Steve, “You know, the one with the chorus girls and the dancing and the fake punching the fake Hitler,” he walked towards his seat and plopped down on the couch, “F.R.I.D.A.Y. play Star Spangled Man With A Plan.” 

The lights in the room dimmed out and the old footage started playing, the stage filled with girls in short, shiny costumes and the music started playing, besides you Steve was breathing heavily. They began singing, and his body stiffened further still. You couldn’t pay attention to the screen, you want to ask him if he was okay, give him a hug, tell Tony to turn it off.

“Tony,” Steve’s voice broke through the room, he looked up with regret etched across his face.

Over on the couch Tony was mouthing the words along with the video, the rest of the team was either smiling or laughing in some way, “Come on Cap it’s nearly your line, if you’re gonna speak at least do it in time with the video!” Tony offered with a smirk.

Steve’s face fell, a deep crease appeared between his eyebrows, one you wanted to rub away with your thumb, “Tony,” you said this time, “I think you need to turn that off.” 

Steve’s head snapped up to look at you, and everyone else in the room did the same.

“Y/N, come on! It’s fun,” Tony said.

You turned your head towards Steve, his eyes still focused on your face, a confused expression taking over his features, “Not for him. If Steve wanted us to see this he would have brought it up,” Tony opened his mouth to start speaking but you continued before he could, “Do you remember when you had that panic attack after New York? And you had to run for the suit. And everyone recorded it, everyone saw it, and you hated it. That’s what you’re doing to Steve.” 

“Jesus, Y/N I just wanted us to have a bit of fun! And you can’t compare this to that!” 

“I just did, now please turn it off, I’m sure that’s what Steve was going to ask you to do earlier when you interrupted him.” 

“Steve?” Sam asked, “Were you? Do you want us to turn this off?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. Please,” he almost sounded like he was choking on something. 

“You all suck,” Tony complained, “F.R.I.D.A.Y. turn it off. What are we supposed to watch now then? We didn’t even see the whole thing! We didn’t even see the actual films he shot!” 

“Peter?” you said, “What do you recommend we watch?” 

“Me?” he asked incredulously, “You want me to choose the movie, Ms. Crimson Viper?” 

“Okay, Parker, my name is Y/N. We’ve been through this now choose a movie before I regret suggesting you do it.” 

“Yes, Y/N,” he said theatrically giving you a salute, “man I can’t wait to tell Ned I’m on a first name basis with the Crimson viper,” he whispered to himself.

He started asking F.R.I.D.A.Y. what movies were available and within a few minutes something else had started playing, Steve tapped his hand against your leg trying to get your attention. You looked at him finding his eyes already focused on you, a small smile tugging at his lips, “Thank you,” he whispered.

“Whenever you need it, Steve,” you said allowing your hand to rest atop his on your leg.

It stayed there the whole night.

 

***

 

You woke up in bed, at 3am, you didn’t remember getting there. Turning on the lights you looked at your bedside table and found a neatly folded piece of paper. 

_ “You fell asleep during the movie. _

_ I carried you to bed because I didn’t want to wake you up.  _

_ I know you have a hard time falling asleep. _

_ Steve” _

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., is Steve in his bedroom?”

“Captain Rogers is currently in the kitchen Ms.,” the AI informed you. 

So you got up, changed out of the clothes Steve had left you in bed in, since you had been wearing them all day, and put on something comfortable before heading to the kitchen to find him.

You found him sat at the table, hunched over a book, he turned around to meet your eyes almost immediately after your feet touched the kitchen floor. His face was almost void of expression as he turned, but a soft smile quickly took over his handsome face, “Hi,”he told you.

“Hi. What are you reading?”

“Nothing. I’ve been sat here staring at this one page for half an hour.”

“Are you okay Steve?”

“Yes,” he said. Far too quickly. Almost as if he’d been practising the answer in anticipation of the question.

“You’re lying to me,” you simply stated.

“I am.”

Walking closer to him you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, “Thanks for carrying me to bed. I’m sorry I fell asleep on you. It has never happened before, I don’t fall asleep easily.”

“I know. That’s why I didn’t wake you up,” you tried taking a step back, “wait,” his arms around you squeezed tighter, “Thank you for asking Tony to turn it off.”

“You already thanked me for that, remember?”

“Yeah. But I wanted to do it again.”

“I’ll speak to him about it. I don’t think he meant to upset you, he’s just tone deaf most of the time.”

“Thank you,” he whispered again.

He let go of you, and so you took your arms away from his shoulders, walked around the table and sat in front of him, “Did you go to sleep at all tonight?” you asked noticing how he was still in the same clothes.

“No. I tried but I couldn’t do it.”

“Do you want some food?” a smile lit up his face, “Alright do you have a request or do I get a free pass to do whatever I want.”

“Whatever you want.”

Steve went back to not reading his book while you cooked, it was a comfortable silence, broken only by the knife hitting the chopping board and his voice when he told you it smelled nice.

The silence stretched while you ate. This time Steve only spoke when he was done with his plate, which packed 4 times as much food as yours. Just as you were finishing your meal a few seconds after he did his he said, “That was delicious.”

“I’m glad you liked it.”

He grabbed both plates from the table and took them over to the sink to wash them. You tried reasoning there was a dishwasher, “You cooked. I clean,” is all he offered back.

“What time are you leaving in the morning for the mission?” He asked, as he scrubbed the pot.

“8am.”

“You should be asleep, Y/N.”

“So should you,” you said smirking at him, “and you know I can’t.”

“You fell asleep quite easily earlier, maybe you just need a movie playing in the background or something like that,” he paused. Not like he had finished the sentence, but as if he was thinking of what to say next, “we can watch one. If you want. Maybe you’ll go to sleep then.”

A weird fluttery feeling surged in your stomach. Odd. You just ate, surely you couldn’t already be hungry again, “Yeah, I think, I’d like that.”

***

Your head was pounding, and your mouth tasted of copper, you felt an enormous weight pushing down your chest, making it hard for you to breathe. You tried moving your arms and legs before even opening your eyes, but found yourself unable to move.You weren’t being restrained, or at least your couldn’t feel any restrains. Carefully, you allowed your eyes to open which only made the headache stronger. A wave of nausea passed through you, an dizziness settled in. 

“Y/N,” Sam said softly next to you, “you can’t open your eyes just yet.”

“Is she awake?” you heard Natasha ask from the other side of the plane.

“Yeah, Nat, she’s moving, and she tried to open her eyes. I don’t know if she can hear me though,” he told her.

“Sam,” you tried saying, it felt nearly inaudible even as you said it.

“No, no, no,” he cut you off, still speaking as softly as before, his hand took hold of yours, “just squeeze my hand, once for yes and twice for no. Is that okay?,” you squeezed his hand once, “Okay good. Can you open your eyes without your head hurting?”

_ No.  _

“How about your lungs? Do they hurt right now?”

_ No _ .

“Do you just feel pressure on them?”

_ Yes _ .

“That’s good, means the medication is working.”

“Sam-”

“Hey, come on now. We agreed on no talking. Were you going to ask what happened?”

_ Yes _ .

“So you don’t remember anything at all?”

_ No _ .

“You got shot, it went through your left lung, we got the blood out, though, you’re okay. You may have a few broken ribs though. We couldn’t finish the mission, but we got the data. And we got you, that’s all we care about,” you couldn’t stop the tear that fell down your cheek. You failed. You promised Steve you’d stop them and you failed. Sam’s hand caught the tear wiping it away, “No crying. You didn’t do anything wrong, and all anyone cares about is that we got you out in time.”

“Steve,” you whispered, “I promised Steve-”

“I said no talking. Jesus for a woman who gives orders all the time you sure are bad at following them,” you would have laughed if you could, it was just like Sam to outsass everyone even in a situation like this, “Steve is waiting for us in New York, and he asked T’Challa to get Helen Cho in the fastest jet Wakanda’s got. You’ll be fine, stop worrying. Now, I’d like to up your meds a bit, it will make you sleep through the rest of the way, can I do that?”

_ Yes. _

Your body was gently taken over by the dulling sensation of the pain, and soon enough you were asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, but not really, because I think that's a great way to end a chapter.


	4. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I said I’m fine Y/N. I said not today, so can you just leave me the fuck alone?” he practically growled.
> 
> A surge of anger suddenly overtook you, “Fine be an asshole! I was going to ask what’s wrong but if you’d rather be a dick to anyone who gives a shit about how you’re feeling, go ahead, see if I care.” 
> 
> He looked at you for a few seconds, his brow furrowed in frustration, “We’re not friends. Isn’t that what you always say? Why would you care?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not to be a bitch or anything I cried writing this, so you better cry reading it, *mood set*. Jk I just want you to enjoy it and hopefully leave some feedback 🙂 a huge thanks to [my wonderful friend and beta, Amanda](https://stanclub.tumblr.com) for reading this and telling me it didn't suck. You should totally check out her fics either on tumblr or [ AO3 ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stanclub/pseuds/stanclub/works)

Light softly took over your sight from the other side of your still closed lids, a pleasant dullness taking over your body, as you slowly decided to open your eyes. Looking around you could tell you were still in the compound, the recovery room. You looked around trying to find some water, but the only bottle was impossible to reach from your position, just as you were about to sit up and reach for it the doors opened.  
“Oh no, lay down, you’re not allowed to move,” Dr Cho said walking into the room, “I need to run tests now that you’re awake.”  
“Helen, I need -”  
“Steve? I figured he nearly bit my head off when I told him he couldn’t sleep in the chair,” she said without giving you a chance to speak.  
“Water, I need, water,” you told her with a light blush now covering your cheeks, “How did you know I was awake?”  
“You’ve been asleep for 2 days so F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s been warning me of any changes in your state. Waking up is definitely a change,” she said pushing the button that made the top part of the bed rise, so you were sitting up, handing you the bottle, “Don’t drink too much, we’ve been using the IV so your stomach needs to be eased into not being empty again,” she said waiting for you to hand her the bottle, “Okay, we can take you to the examination room now, so I can see how your brain is reacting to your injury.”  
“I don’t feel anything, is that normal? I don’t remember what happened either. I mean, I remember speaking to Sam? I think. On our way back. I don’t know, it’s all blurry,” you told her truthfully.  
“Is it just the time around the incident you’re having trouble remembering?” she asked waiting for you to nod before she continued, “Then yes, it’s perfectly normal. That’s why I need to run some tests, to make sure you haven’t lost any other memories and that there’s no damage we couldn’t see before.”  
She walked around your bed to push it out of the room, and towards the examination room. As soon as you were out the door, Steve was standing next to your bed.  
“You’re awake,” he said as soon as he saw you.  
“Captain Rogers, I’ve already told you you’ll have to wait to speak to her,” Helen said before you could speak.  
“Helen, what if he takes me to the examination room? It won’t cost us time and Steve will stop annoying you,” you told her.  
“Fine. But remember I will be there waiting, and if you take more than 2 minutes I will come back for her,” she said glaring at Steve, before turning around and hurriedly passing towards the other room.  
Once you were alone Steve turned to you, “What the fuck were thinking? You got shot? You’ve taken a bullet before! You get stabbed like a champ Y/N, but a bullet isn’t a knife! What the fuck? And to your lung, were you trying to give me a heart attack?”  
“Well hello to you too. If I knew you were going to yell at me I would have gone with Helen.”  
“Shut up,” he said putting his arms around your shoulders and pulling you close to him, “I’m really glad you’re not dead,” he almost whispered against your neck, “You scared the shit out of me.”  
You laced your arms around his torso, “I’m okay, Steve, you don’t have to worry, anymore.”  
“Don’t do this to me again, okay?” he asked.  
“Okay.”  
“Good,” he said softly kissing your forehead and letting go of you, “Let’s get you to the examination room.” 

***  
Your recovery was proving itself a hardship. Helen had managed to speed up the process, so your lung was fully recovered but you still had 2 broken ribs, and that was harder to speed up. You couldn’t go on missions, which was twice as hard to deal with since the last one had gone wrong because of you. The mission planning was still up to you though. You hadn’t let anyone take that away from you, broken ribs didn’t mean you couldn’t read the blueprints or come up with an attack plan, so you kept on doing it, mostly because it was the only thing you could do to help. And it was so hard, that the only thing you could do to help was stay behind and wait while everyone else was putting their life on the line.  
Steve had wanted to go back to fighting the Hydra missions, but you couldn’t let him, besides the huge emotional toll they took on him, having him stay with you while everyone else was gone was the only thing keeping you from being lonely and consumed in your own guilt.  
“Okay, so what songs did I miss while I was asleep?” he had asked you one night.  
“I thought you had a book full of things you missed?”  
“Yes, but the only person to suggest music was Sam, and he gave me the soundtrack of one movie. And it was great, it was but it was just the one,” he told you with a smile.  
“Well, I’m going to forget loads of them, but Fly Me To The Moon, literally anything by Queen. Oh my god! Steve! Emo music! You missed all that, where do I even start.”  
“You could play it,” he said crossing his arms.  
“I could indeed.”  
“Can we dance to this music?”  
“You can dance to anything, there’s different kinds of dancing.”  
“Well forgive me if I’m terrible,” he said getting up.  
“Why would you be, didn’t go dancing much in the 40’s?” you asked him as you set up the living room’s speakers to play the songs you had spoken off.  
“Wasn’t really much to look at back then.”  
“Oh shut up I’ve seen photos, you were a cutie.”  
“Sure I was,” he said with an eye roll, “ I was always waiting anyway.”  
“Waiting for what?” you asked as the first notes of Fly Me To The Moon started to play.  
Steve reached for your hand, and pulled you close to him, his other hand resting at your waist, “The right partner.” 

***  
Everything seemed to be falling to place, you only had two more weeks on your mandatory rest period, and the team had been doing a great job with the missions. There was only one base left, now that they’d come back from a successful mission. That evening Sam and Natasha were in the kitchen with you telling you about how it had happened when Steve walked in.  
“Steve you’re right on time! Tasha and I were about to tell Y/N how I kicked some Hydra ass,” Sam told him excitedly.  
“Not today,” was all he said. Walking to the cupboard on the end of the kitchen and opening it.  
“Steve are you okay?” Natasha asked.  
“I’m fine,” is all he offered as he slammed the cupboard shut.  
“Steve,” you started to say before be interrupted you.  
“I said I’m fine Y/N. I said not today, so can you just leave me the fuck alone?” he practically growled.  
A surge of anger suddenly overtook you, “Fine be an asshole! I was going to ask what’s wrong but if you’d rather be a dick to anyone who gives a shit about how you’re feeling, go ahead, see if I care.”  
He looked at you for a few seconds, his brow furrowed in frustration, “We’re not friends. Isn’t that what you always say? Why would you care?”  
Before you could answer he turned around and left the kitchen.  
“What was that about?” Sam asked.  
“I don’t know, but I bet I know someone who does,” you told him, “F.R.I.D.A.Y. call King T’Challa. I need to speak to Bucky Barnes.” 

***  
You reached Steve’s bedroom door, the anger inside you was long gone. You just want to make sure he was okay, so you knocked, “Steve? Can I come in?”  
He gave you no answer, but you had asked F.R.I.D.A.Y. were he was after speaking to Bucky, so you knew this is was it.  
“I know you’re in there, and the only reason I’m not in there already is because I respect you, but so help me god if you don’t open this door right now I will do it myself and I don’t care what you’ve got to say about that,” you could hear his footsteps on the other side of the door but they were getting no closer to the door, you knocked again, only harder this time, “Steve?”  
You heard him unlock the door, so you gently pushed it open and walked inside, not sure what you were going to say.  
“What do you want?” he asked almost immediately.  
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” you told him softly, “I spoke to Bucky, Steve. I know why you’re upset.”  
“Why did you do that?”  
“I was worried,” you told him truthfully.  
“You had no right to pry into my life like that,” he said shoving the door closed.  
“Yeah, I know. But I figured you needed someone to talk to more than your privacy right now. I am sorry, and I would have never done it if I didn’t feel like this is what you needed.”  
“So what now? What are you expecting me to do?” he asked.  
“I’m not expecting anything,” you told him waiting for him to sit on his bed and pulling his arms around you, “I just know you shouldn’t be alone today even if that’s what you think you should do.”  
You waited until his arms tightened around your waist to start rubbing his back.  
“I’m sorry,” he told you, “I just miss her so much,” his words stuck in his throat.  
“I know you do,” you told him, running your fingers gently through his hair.  
“What am I supposed to do, Y/N?”  
“Tell me about her.”  
He looked up at you from where he was sat, “You want me to tell you about my mom?”  
“It’s her birthday, Steve, I can’t think of a better way to honor her than to remember her,” you told him noting the way his lips twitched up in the corners. “If you don’t want too it’s okay. Or if you want me to get Sam or Natasha I will.”  
“No,” he told you tightening his grip on your waist.  
“Okay.”  
“I’ve never done this before,” he said, sorrow filling his every word.  
“It’s okay. We have the whole night,” you told him, “we should lie down. If you’re looking at the ceiling instead of my face it might be easier. It’s like you’re talking to yourself instead of bearing your feelings to someone.”  
“Okay,” he softly pulled you to bed with him, letting you rest your head on the pillow and curling up next to you, resting his head lightly on your stomach, “but I’m staying here instead.”  
“Okay, whenever you’re ready,” you let your hand slowly reach for his golden locks and began softly running your fingers through them, “and if you’re not ready that’s okay too.” 

Neither of your moved too much for the next few minutes, aside from your fingers gently rubbing his scalp. You could feel his uneven breaths as his chest rose and fell. You knew he was in pain, and it was tearing your heart up that you couldn’t take it away. It wasn’t news to you before, but now more than ever you knew Steve was a good man. The very best one you’d ever met, and it spoke volumes about the unfairness of life that this was the path destiny had fated him to follow. 

“She was a nurse,” he said without a warning. His voice was uneven and almost fearful, like he was scared that he’d lose the memory if he let it out into the world, “That was good for me. I was always sick and I don’t think I would have made it if she wasn’t my mother. And she was my hero. Everything she did was out of the goodness of her heart and all I ever tried to do was make her proud.  
I was 18 when she died.  
And as much as I’ve suffered in my life, I don’t think anything will ever hurt as much as that one second, when I was sat by her bed and I felt her grip loosening around my hand it was like someone reached into my chest and pulled out my heart.  
She had the most beautiful singing voice ever. I remember hearing her sing whenever I was sick. Sat beside my bed, she was probably terrified, but to be honest I think the only reason I survived through all of it was her smile. I knew staying alive was the only way I could keep on seeing it.  
And then when I lost her, I didn’t know how I would stay alive. I didn’t know how to exist without her love.  
I was alright for a while, I thought I could do everything by myself and power through my health issues, and the pain and I was good for a few months.  
In ‘37 the winter was really harsh, and I got sick and, my mother, she would have made me stay in bed. It’s what I should have done, really. But I kept on leaving the apartment, going out trying to find a job somewhere. And then one day I could barely breathe. I didn’t go out, and I thought I was going to die. I really did, and I was okay with it. I thought at least that way I would see her again. I was in bed for 2 whole days and I barely ate or drank anything, and I was so ready for it to be over. And then Bucky showed up, and started knocking and yelling for me and I couldn’t answer the door or him. He broke it to get inside, and when he found me he said I was the biggest idiot in the word. He took me to the hospital, and then he moved in with me because I refused to move into his mother’s house. And then he was the only thing holding together.  
But then the war started and he enlisted and I couldn’t. I tried so many times and I couldn’t and I felt so worthless. And Sarah Rogers would have beaten my ass black and blue if I even mentioned wanting to enlist to her, not that she ever laid a hand on me, that wasn’t who she was. But I just couldn’t live with being worthless anymore, and then Erskine came along and he gave me a shot, and I took it so fast.  
And I met Peggy and she was wonderful. But even then it was like I didn’t fit in at all, everyone but the two of them still mocked me. And then the serum. I was colourblind before the serum, did you know that?” 

He stopped talking, so you knew he wanted an answer, it was hard though, you had tears falling down your face and you knew he would notice it when you spoke. He was crying too, you could feel the tears soaking through your shirt and hear it when he spoke, you just didn’t want him to end up feeling like he had to comfort you, “No, I didn’t.” 

“I had never seen red before, and when I came out of the machine Peggy was stood right there and I saw her lips.  
She had red lipstick and I’ve never wanted to kiss someone so badly in my life. But then Erskine got shot, and the blood was red too, and I didn’t know how to feel.  
But then one night when things calmed down, after I went back for Bucky, I found a black and white photo of my mother stashed away in one of my boxes. And I started crying. I couldn’t stop crying when I realised that I was fine now, after being ill for so long, and my mother, she was beautiful, she was so beautiful, but I never got to see just how much. And I never got to know just how beautiful her voice was either because I only had one good ear back then, and it sucked. Because that all that woman ever did was try to keep me healthy and I finally was and she didn’t get to see it. And it was unfair to her and to me, that I never got to see her or hear her, and she never got to see me when I was healthy.  
And I feel like I can never be happy. Not really. Not without her, or without Bucky or Peggy. Because I love them all so much it hurts, because I wouldn’t even be alive without any of them, and sometimes it feel like I don’t deserve to.  
I broke up with Sharon because she kept on reminding me of Peggy. And that’s unfair to Sharon, because she deserves better than someone who only sees her aunt when they look at her. And I don’t know that I’ll ever stop loving Peggy and that hurts too because she was the one and then I hit the ice and when I woke up she lived an entire life without me, and I’m glad she did, because she deserved that, but I also feel like that’s it for me.  
I’ll never find someone else because I only have one shot at love and she was mine and I’m just so tired of hurting and being hopeless, Y/N.” 

He pressed his face fully against your body, his tears freely falling now, and broken sobs escaping him. So you sat up, putting your arms around him trying to offer him some comfort, little as it may be. And he turned into your embrace, burying his face in the crook of your neck, and holding you tight against him. And neither of you moved much, knowing to hold each other was what you both needed. And when his tears and yours stopped neither of you let go, you just waited until your uneven breathing calmed. 

“I’m sorry,” he told you against the skin of your neck.  
“No. You don’t have to apologize. I’m happy you trust me enough to tell me about these things, Stevie. But I need you to know something. Losing Peggy doesn’t mean you’ll never love again.”  
“How would you know?” he asked, some sarcasm lacing his voice. At least your Steve wasn’t all gone.  
“Because I’ve had mine. I had a Peggy,” you told him, your heart heavy on your chest at the memories that flooded you.  
“What?” he pulled away then, to look at your tear stained face, “I didn’t know about that.”  
“Yeah,” you said. Emotion already weighing down your words, “Natasha is the only one who does.”  
“I’m sorry,” he pulled you closer to his body, taking care not to hurt your, still recovering, ribs as he did it, “I’m sorry.”  
“Did it feel good?” you asked him.  
“What?”  
“To talk about it. Your mother and Bucky and Peggy.”  
“Yeah, I never told those things to anyone.”  
“Then, can I do it too? Talk about things, I mean.”  
He pulled away to look at you, cupping your cheek, and looking at you like he knew the pain you were feeling. Because he did, Steve did know it, “Would it help push away the hurt?”  
“I think so,” you told him not being able to stop the tear that fell.  
“Then tell me. Whatever you need to,” he laid back down this time resting his head on the pillow and settling you on his chest, his hand softly rubbing your back, “Whenever you want to, and if you decide you don’t, that’s okay too.”

So you waited for your tears to stop falling, and for your heartbeat to steady, you knew they’d fall again, and that your heartbeat would be erratic soon as well, but at least you’d start off feeling more composed. 

“I never met my parents,” you started off, somehow it only felt fair that you’d open your whole heart to him, the same way he had to you, “and none of us did, growing up in the Red Room. I don’t have words for it, not really. They taught us so many things, and we thought it was normal. That was how children grew up as far as we knew.  
They used to tell us this story, to keep us in line, about a former student that got involved with one of the male students. That project was called Wolf Spider, and it was severely unsuccessful. The only surviving participant wound up in a gulag.  
But this student, she was their most prominent one. And when she was 16 they told her that she would be the first to go through with the graduation ceremony. But she defied them, and she slept with one of the male students. They were in love and thought that if she was pregnant then they’d be allowed to leave. So they told them that it was okay that she was pregnant, and asked the two students to stay until the baby was born and then they could leave.  
They had a girl, and after she was born, they told the two students that she was to be raised within the program, and that it was ungrateful of them to try and escape that way, so they killed them.  
The daughter was one of us. But they never told us which one. They called them snakes, and said that if any of us ever behaved like a snake we would be treated like one.  
When Natasha was supposed to go through with her graduation she started to fail on purpose and I did the same thing.  
They told her she was made of marble, and that she never failed.  
They told me to be a snake was in my blood and I’d be treated as one if I failed again. And I didn’t because all my will to do something better with life disappeared when I found out they were my parents. And I thought I wasn’t worthy of love, not when the two people who would have loved me the most were because they had me. So I went through with it, I stopped fighting it.  
But when I woke up I felt disgusted that I let them take away a part of myself and I spent weeks plotting an escape.  
And I couldn’t tell you how many people I killed that day Steve, but I know that if Natasha hadn’t stepped away from the door when I was stood there, I would be dead now.  
But then I ran away and I needed a job and the only thing I was good at was killing. And I was recruited by a crime lord in Moscow, to be their hitman, they’d heard a Black Widow had escaped and wanted her.  
But I didn’t want to be a Black Widow, not after all that so I told them I was to be called Crimson Viper. Because they bled crimson for me, and if they were snakes then what was I?” you took a moment to gather yourself, the tears heavily falling by now, Steve’s hand still gently rubbing your back, waiting for you to continue.  
“When I was working there there was a bar where I met most of my targets, it was my job to seduce them and kill them, and I was great at it. And one day I went there without a mission, because my boss owned it and I could get free drinks, and I needed to get drunk, and the bartender spent the whole night trying to make me laugh, and then he asked me on a date.  
He said ‘Provided you won’t kill me of course”, and I fell in love. And he made me want to be better, and made me happy.  
One day he took me to meet his mother, and she took me in like I was her own, she would make my favourite food and sent it with him for me. She’d call me when she saw something she thought I’d like, and she told me that her biggest dream was to move to Paris and be a seamstress. And that was why Lev was working for a crime lord, so he could get the money to make her dream come true. And he was so good. So much better than I ever deserved. He made me want to be better, and different.  
He told me one night that the three of us would move to Paris one day, and then he’d ask me to marry him in front of the Arc de Triomphe, because he couldn’t think of anything more triumphant than me being his wife, he was cheesy like that. But I loved when he was.  
Then one day I was called in for a meeting with my boss, just me and him, that was never good news. I knew what it was, I was taking less hitjobs because I wanted out, and he was angry about it.  
He told me he knew how to fix it, and he called his second in command and he walked in with two men trailing behind him and they were dragging Lev.  
He said love made soft so he would rid me off it. And he pulled out his gun and shot him right in front of me.  
And I was so angry, Steve. I got up and I killed him. With my bare hands and then I took the gun and I shot the other 3, and I shouldn’t have. I know that. But I didn’t know what else to do.  
I took him to my room and then I went to see his mother. And I cried my eyes out and apologized and she should have killed me, or hit me or something. But instead she held me and cried with me, and she said it wasn’t my fault, we gave him a proper burial, and then I went looking for Natasha.  
She was with S.H.I.E.L.D. by then and I asked for a job. I asked them to give his mother a house in Paris, and Fury did it.  
And I still speak to her, and every year I fly to Paris and take her to Moscow with me so we can visit him.  
And she always asks me when am I finding someone who wants to marry me again. And I don’t think I deserve it. But she says ‘If we can’t hope for love, then life is worthless” so I’m still waiting for my second chance. And you should keep on waiting for yours.” 

Then there was quiet. The only sounds in the room were your small sobs, and Steve’s. He pulled you into his arms, “You’ll never stop loving Peggy, Steve,” you said against his shoulder, “and I’ll never stop loving Lev. Because our relationships didn’t end. They were taken from us. But we are still capable of love. And if they loved us then we are worthy of it. Because we are more than what we’ve lost, Steve, and we are not damaged.” 

He just held you for a while longer, neither of you capable of any more words. 

“Stay,” he told you after a few minutes.  
“What?”  
“Stay with me tonight. I don’t want to be alone.”  
“I don’t to be alone either,” you told him honestly.  
“Then stay.”  
“Okay.” 

And as the two of you shed your worn clothes a feeling of normalcy settled between you. He handed you one of his t-shirts, and put on one himself. Then he got into bed and lifted the covers for you, and you laid your head on his chest and reached for his hand so you could lace your fingers with his.

“Y/N?”  
“Yeah, Steve?”  
“You said he was too good for you. I never met him, but he wasn’t,” his voice full of certainty.  
“What do you mean?”  
"You're in the top shelf Y/N, and you deserve someone from the same shelf as you."  
"What do you mean top shelf?"  
"I mean, you're amazing. You deserve someone amazing."  
"Really? Then if I'm in the top shelf how come I've ever met someone who belongs there too?" Except you, you though, but you couldn't exactly say that out loud.  
"Because you're too short. You can't reach it," you could almost hear the smirk in his voice.  
"Asshole."  
"Maybe tomorrow if you've got some lube."  
"Steven Grant Rogers!" You said not being able to contain your laughter, "I can't believe you just said that to me."  
"I can be funny too you know!" He said, wrapping his arm tighter around your waist, pulling you closer to his body.  
"I could climb," you stated when you both stopped laughing.  
"What?"  
"To the top shelf. I could climb."  
"Nah, I'd give you a boost."  
"I don't need one, Steve."  
"Yes, and? I'd like to give you one, not because you need my support or my help, but because I want you to know you have them. You'll always have them, Y/N."  
"Oh," you wanted to say more, but you couldn't, not with the blush creeping up your face and your heartbeat picking up in your chest.  
"I really mean it though," his voice broke through the silence, "You said he was too good for you, but no one could ever be that good."  
"Let's agree to disagree, maybe?" You said breathing out a humourless laugh, "I guess we can be lonely in the top shelf together," you mindlessly squeezed his hand. It was something body felt it needed, you couldn't explain why you did it if you tried, "While we wait for whoever we're waiting for."  
He huffed out a laugh, "You think I belong in the top shelf?"  
"I know you do, Stevie." 

Neither one of you said another word that night. He just tightened his grip on your waist and held you, until you fell asleep in each others arms. And for the first time in forever neither of you woke up before dawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time we've got Steve's 100th birthday and I have some *ahem* ideas 👀👀👀👀  
> As usual feel free to drop by [my writing blog](https://the-hell-i-cant-im-a-captain.tumblr.com) where you'll find rebloggable versions of all my fics, and by [my main blog](https://its-a-pretty-interesting-wall.tumblr.com) where I post about Marvel and how perfect I find Chris Evans, mostly.


	5. сладость

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's 100th birthday party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINALLY FINISHED THIS!!! I know it’s been a while but it’s here now, yay. I’m glad this is finally leaving my google docs because this is the chapter I’ve wanted to write ever since I started this fic a lifetime ago. There’s a small allusion to Steve having PTSD after they eat the cake, again it’s a very short part of the story but if you think that could be a trigger for you please stop reading at “A few seconds later colour was bursting through the sky” and continue at “The party carried on for a while longer”.

The walk to Steve’s bedroom that morning felt ten times as long. It was silly, but you couldn’t help but feel that he wouldn’t like the day you had planned. It shouldn’t have been this important, but it was his birthday, he deserved a day he could enjoy, not whatever crazy idea you had persuaded Tony out off. Your heart was hammering in your chest. Even if this was just you trying to be a decent person. Standing in front of his door you looked at the bag holding his gifts, maybe this had been too much. Maybe you should have turned back and pretended you hadn't gotten him a gift at all. 

 

Against your better judgement, you knocked. 

 

Steve opened the door looking fresh out of bed. His eyes still a little red, strands of his golden hair falling out of place. He smiled when he saw you, softly saying “hi” before moving aside to let you in.

 

“Hi,” you told him once inside. Setting the bag on the floor you wrapped your arms around his waist, before telling him “Happy Birthday”.

 

He wrapped his arms around your shoulders and kissed your forehead before thanking you. When his eyes settled in the bag you had brought he asked “What’s in the bag?”

 

A soft blush covered your cheeks, “Your gifts.”

 

He pulled back from the hug to look into your eyes, “You didn’t- you didn’t have too.” 

 

“I know, but I wanted too. Let's go sit down so you can open them.” 

 

“There’s more than one?” 

 

“Sit, Steven.” 

 

He rolled his eyes with a smirk on his face and sat on his bed, where you were already waiting for him. You pulled the first box from the bag. It was small and light, Steve’s curiosity was etched all over his face as he was about the shake the box.

 

“Don’t shake it! You’ll mess it up!” 

 

“How was I supposed to know that?” 

 

“Steve you’re literally 100. You’re about to open the gift. Why. Why? Why would you need to shake it first?” 

 

“It’s fun. I was trying to guess,” he told you before he pulled the bow apart, “you didn’t even wrap it,” he complained as he pulled the top of the box off.

 

“Steve I swear to god I-” 

 

“I don’t get it,” he said pulling a cupcake out of the box, “it says 33.” 

 

You grabbed the candle and the lighter that was still inside the box, “You’re turning 33 today, right? I mean I could be wrong, but the plane crashed in ‘45 before your birthday,” you said as you stuck the candle in the cupcake, “and then you woke up in 2011 before your birthday,” you continued lighting the candle, “so you had 26 birthdays before, and this is the 7th after. That’s 33.” 

 

You looked up at him for the first time since you started talking. Steve was looking at you with a stunned expression, “I did get the right dates, didn’t I?” 

 

“Yeah,” he said. His voice unsteady, like he was holding back something.

 

“Good. You should blow out the candle and make a wish before you get wax on the cupcake.” 

 

He nodded. And then you saw him close his eyes and blow out the small flame. When he opened his eyes again they were shiny, he looked as though he wanted to say something but couldn’t. 

 

“Ready for the next one?” you asked him instead of letting the silence linger. When he nodded you pulled the other box from the bag.

 

“You wrapped this one,” he said with a smile.

 

“Well I paid someone to wrap it.” 

 

He tore through the paper and opened the box, looking shocked at first. A grin quickly took over his features, “This is amazing.” 

 

And yeah, spending a whole day going to every art supply store you could find, trying to find sketchbooks and charcoal pencils and god knows whatever else was in that box had been tiring. But it was worth it for that smile.

 

“I- I’ve never had so many pencils in my life. You got me watercolours too? And new brushes? God these pencils! There's gotta be 100 colours in here!” 

 

“140.” 

 

“This is amazing. You’re amazing,” the flutter in your chest was getting harder to ignore.

 

“I’ve got two gifts left are you ready?” you asked, trying to dull out the feeling.

 

“There’s more? What the fuck? How much money did you spend on me?” 

 

“Okay, calm down. I made the cupcake myself, the art stuff was expensive but it’s not like I have that many chances to spend my own money anyway, Tony pays for everything around here so it was hardly a bother. The other two didn't really require money, so cool it, Rogers. I’m not bankrupting myself for you just yet.” 

 

“There’s nothing left in the bag.” 

 

“Well there is,” you said pulling a small envelope from it, “but you’re getting this one last,” you told him setting it on the bed next to your legs. “You can’t open the third gift, and it won’t get here for another hour or so. So you’ll just have to take my word for it, okay?” 

 

“Okay.” 

 

“Good. Bucky’s coming over from Wakanda today, and he’s staying here for a week.” 

 

“What?” He smiled but quickly drew his brows together, “But Tony-” 

 

“Tony’s okay with it don’t worry,” the little wrinkle disappeared as he looked at you stunned, god he was so pretty. 

 

“How did you do that?” 

 

“I didn’t. He has a therapist you know? He realises that Bucky didn’t actually do it. It’s like when Tony found out Obadiah was selling StarkTech weapons to the 10 Rings. He didn’t do it but he carried the blame, he just needed time to process that’s what happened to Bucky too. I’m not saying they’ll be best friends but they’ll be okay.” 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

“I just asked people if things could be done, you should thank Tony’s therapist. And Shuri for helping Bucky. And T’Challa for the plane.” 

 

“Thank you,” he repeated himself smiling at you.

 

“Are you ready for the last one?” you asked trying to distract yourself from the incessant drumming of your heart.

 

“Yeah,” he smiled. Suddenly you were nervous. There was no way of knowing how he would react to  _ this _ gift.

 

You gave him the envelope, but before he could open it you covered his hand with yours, “Steve? If I crossed a line with this one, I’m sorry.” 

 

He looked confused, and slowing began opening the envelope pulling the photo inside it out. His eyes widened and he gasped out a sob, “How? How did you do this?” 

 

“Please don’t be mad at me,” you told him reaching for his face so you could wipe a tear away, “I read an article about how there was technology that could restore colour to old black and white photos a while ago. When you told me that you never got to see your mother with healthy eyes it broke my heart, Steve. So I stole the photo from your drawer when you were working out. And I took it to a photo lab where they do it so you could see her, and then I put it back. And I’m so sorry I couldn’t find a way to have you hear her voice clearly, Stevie. “ 

 

“You’re sorry? Y/N, this is the most amazing thing anyone has ever given me,” he cupped your cheek pressing his forehead against yours, “don’t you ever say you’re sorry for not giving me more.” 

 

“I’m glad you like it,” you told him wiping away more of his tears. Even some of your own, “They sent me a digital copy too. It’s on my phone I can send it to you so you can keep it there too.” 

 

“Thank you,” he said pulling back to look at the photo again.

 

“She was beautiful,” you told him after a few seconds.

 

“Yeah, she was.” 

 

“You have her eyes.” 

 

“You think?” he asked looking at you with a smile tugging at his lips. 

 

You’d never seen a smile like that. It wasn’t big like the ones he usually donned, but it wasn’t shy either. All you knew about that smile is the way it made your heart skip a beat. The way it made Steve, with his messy bedhead and his tear stained cheeks look so beautiful it was hard to think. That smile made the idea that you’d once felt anything other than pure respect and adoration for Steve feel like a joke. So you brought your hand to his cheek, and gently brushed your thumb along his skin, “Yeah. Yeah, I do.” 

 

***

 

“I expect the two of you to be away from this compound until 6 pm at least,” you told Steve and Bucky.

 

“Oh lord. How extravagant is this party going to be?” Bucky asked.

 

“It’s Tony’s party what do you think?” Steve said, unceremoniously letting his body fall onto one of the kitchen chairs. 

 

“Stop being like that,” you told him, gathering some ingredients from the cupboards, “The party will be fine! It’s just us three, Sam, Nat, Bruce, Wanda, Vision, Tony, Pepper, Clint and Rhodey. Thor couldn't make it, he's doing Thor stuff, I don't know, you know how he is.” 

 

“I’m sorry what?” Steve asked, “How did Tony agree to that?” 

 

“It’s simple,” you said, “I told him this was how things were going to go, and this is how things are going to go.” 

 

“I thought she hated you,” Bucky loudly whispered at Steve.

 

“Yeah Buck, so did I,” he said, his voice as warm as the little smile he was fighting to contain.

 

“Now you two need to fuck off because I have a cake to bake, Sam has a meal to cook, and Wanda has a room to decorate, are we clear?” 

 

“Yes ma’am,” they replied in unison, even throwing in a mock salute that had you rolling your eyes in exasperated fondness. 

 

But then only set of footsteps could be heard leaving the room, “So,” you heard Bucky start, “You’re baking him a cake.” 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“And you stopped Tony from throwing a crazy party.” 

 

“Sure did, Barnes.” 

 

“And you called me concerned on the anniversary of his mother’s death. And you had me flown in from Wakanda. And you’re not being bitchy to him.” 

 

“And what about it, Bucky?” 

 

“How long?” 

 

“How long what?” and even though your voice hadn’t faltered you couldn’t help the blush that had crept up your cheeks.

 

“Oh that’s how you’re playing this,” he said plopping down on the same chair Steve had been sat in before, and was it silly to think he had been sat there the first time that you kissed too? “So what cake are you baking?” 

 

Your brain still caught up in its memories of Steve’s soft plump lips, took a few moments more than what you would have prefered to fully process the question, “Uh, chocolate.”

 

Bucky looked less than pleased with your answer, “Why?” 

 

“He’s had one every year since he woke up. Why? Does he not like chocolate cake? I figured someone had probably asked him at least before making it the first time.” 

 

“He likes chocolate fine,” he told you with a shrug. Something resembling doubt flashed across his face, but then he looked at you and carried on anyway, “It’s just that when we were younger, Sarah used to bring home apples from the hospital because they always had extra around the 4th and Steve really needed the extra fruit,” he said with a soft, fond chuckle, “and she would bake him an apple cake. It was delicious,” a smile taking over his features before he continued, “she made me write down the recipe when she was sick so it didn’t get lost. I tried making it the year she died but I burnt it because I am hopeless in the kitchen,” Bucky’s eyes were wet, but the love in his voice was clear, “But that was the first time he laughed after she died. He saw me standing in his kitchen with a hard black lump of a cake that looked like charcoal and he laughed. We had my mother do it after that, it was better for all of our stomachs if the Barnes in charge of cooking was Winnie.” 

 

When he stopped talking a few tears had been shed, and yet his lips were still holding a smile, however sad it looked. The thing about Bucky and Steve was that it was easy to forget how much they had lost when all you saw were carefully constructed characters that they showed most of the world. Regardless of how much you wanted to hug him in that moment you didn’t know how he would react to it, touch could still be an issue for him. Instead, you gave him small smile, “We have apples. And I’m a quite decent baker. Do you remember the recipe?” 

 

Bucky gave you a smile back and grabbing one of Stark’s discarded notebooks and pens he ripped out a page and started writing.

 

**

 

You walked into the dining room and looked over Wanda’s work. Truthfully it was nice to nice to have a gentler touch when it came to party decorations, Tony always made everything so extravagant. You’d be mad at him if you didn’t know money was his primary way to avoid having to voice his emotions. 

 

“You know I really do think an ice sculpture would have tied the whole room together,” Tony said when he walked in the room.

 

“Yes which is exactly why Y/N barred you from decorating,” Pepper said, “So where’s the birthday boy?” 

 

“Out somewhere with his boyfriend. I made them leave so we had time to prepare everything.” 

 

Tony dramatically groaned, “You did this in a day? A day? Under my own roof?” 

 

“Leave,” you told him with a glare.

 

“But-” 

 

“You heard her, sweetie,” Pepper told him.

 

Tony left the room scowling and pouting.

 

“How you haven’t murdered him and dumped his body yet is beyond me.” 

 

“I meditate,” Pepper said, “Have a little zen garden on my desk. It helps.” 

 

**

 

True to their word Steve and Bucky came back at 06:30 pm being immediately met with the whole team gathered in the sofas watching tv, the food was ready and everything had been decorated already, you were all just waiting for them to return. 

 

“This food smells amazing!” Bucky said when he saw you, “Did you make this too?” He asked you.

 

“I just baked,” you smiled, “Sam cooked.” 

 

“I take it back,” he said a frown taking over his face quickly, “Smells gross.” 

 

“Suit yourself, Barnes, you can starve,” Sam said with a grin.

 

“Like I wanted your food anyway! Smells like chicken, it’s fucked up to eat your cousin, don’t you think Bird Boy?” 

 

“I’ll have you know-” 

 

“Children!” Natasha said, raising her voice over Sam’s, “Once the festivities of the night have ended, the two of you can go to one of the labs where you’ll find a wide variety of instruments that can be used to measure both your dicks. Until then, shut up and behave.” 

 

“Nat,” Sam whined her at the same time Bucky turned to you with his own whine.

 

“You heard the lady,” you told them, “besides I’ve barely recovered from having my ribs broken I’m not getting in a fight with Natasha.” 

 

“You’re useless,” Sam told you with a smile tugging at his lips.

 

“I said I wouldn’t fight Nat. I can take you, Wilson.” 

 

“Can we maybe reserve the fighting for when it’s not my birthday?” Steve said from behind Bucky, “Not that I don’t want to see you kick Sam’s ass, I’m just hungry.” 

 

“Kick Sam’s ass?” Sam asked Steve with a shocked expression, before mumbling something about wasting away in the kitchen all day for this.

 

“Am I wrong?” Steve asked. Clearly, Sam had mumbled to loudly.

 

“No,” Sam said with an eye roll, “Shut up.” 

 

“It’s alright, Sammy,” you said walking up to the table where he was passive-aggressively removing the lids from all the pots and circled your arms around his waist, “I might be able to beat you in a fight, but you can fly. That’s cool.” 

 

“Damn straight!” He cheered before glaring at everyone else, “Take notes everyone, this is why she’s my favourite.” 

 

“You know she’s only doing that because Darlene Wilson’s roast is the best and she wants an extra serving,” Steve said with a raised eyebrow and a far to cocky smile on his lips. They were such nice lips.

 

“Shut up, Steven,” you told him dramatically pressing your face into Sam’s back.

 

“Yeah! Shut up, Steven,” Sam said, “Now I want asses in these chairs before this food gets cold because I will not have my mama be told that her favourite son is serving the Avengers cold food.” 

 

“You’re her only son,” Bucky said with a scoff, but pulling a chair and sitting down nonetheless.

 

Soon everyone was gathered around the table and the whole group was indulging in Sam’s food if Darlene Wilson was to hear anything of this meal it would surely only fill her with pride. Even Bucky had restrained himself from making jokes at Sam’s expense. That didn’t mean the whole table wasn’t making fun of Steve though, he was the birthday boy after all. 

 

“Come on Y/N, what’s your favourite Steve story?” Bucky asked with a mischievous glint in his eye, “There’s gotta be something.”

 

“Well, I don’t have much but you know when we went after Stucker?”

 

“Oh no,” Steve mumbled hiding his face in his hands.

 

“Oh yes! When you just yelled out ‘Language’? See at the time it was just an eye roll moment because you were still pretending to the Star Spangled Man With A Plan, and then a few months later you and Sam came back to the compound swearing like drunken sailors and you were just like ‘Yeah been lyin’ to you for a few years ups!’ and honestly what the hell Steve? Why did you do that?” You said with a pout, “I liked the fake you so much more!” 

 

He rolled his eyes before saying, “Oh why don’t you suck my dick, Y/N?”

 

“Mm can I really?” you told him with a sultry look from across the table.

 

“Maybe later,” he said holding your gaze for maybe a few seconds too long.

 

You were finally shaken out of it by Bucky loudly clearing his throat, and pointedly fixing his gaze upon you with a smirk, “What about you bird boy? What’s your favourite Steve story?”

 

“When we were fighting in the bridge in DC and I kicked you in the head,” Sam said shovelling more food into his mouth.

 

“How’s that a Steve story?” Bucky snapped back.

 

“He was there, he saw it.”

 

It was nice. To be together with all your friends for a special occasion, one that didn’t involve aliens, or evil robots, or nazis. It made you realise how few the opportunities for days like that were. It was nice. A really nice day. Even if Bucky kept on giving you a look that made you uncomfortable in a new, weird way. Even if you wanted to give Steve more that would make the day memorable, but you couldn’t. Not while everyone was still there and the two of you weren’t meant to be more than barely mildly friendly anyway, later though. You could spend the night with him, it had been a few days since the last time anyway and you were starting to miss the warmth of his body. Before all that, though there was still something you could do for him. 

 

You announced that it was time to cut the cake and left the table to fetch it from the kitchen.

 

“Thought you said cake,” Tony sassed, “and I thought we were ignoring America’s birthday for Cap. Why do I smell apples?”

 

“We  _ are _ ignoring America’s birthday, and it is cake,” you told Tony, “It’s apple cake.”

 

Steve’s eyes snapped up to you, “What?”

 

“It’s apple cake,” you repeated yourself. 

 

“How did you-”

 

“I told her. She said she could bake,” Bucky said with a shrug as Steve looked at him.

 

“It smells just like it,” Steve whispered.

 

“Yeah I think she did a good job,” Bucky smiled.

 

With your heart beating in your throat you walked around the table to where Steve and Bucky were sat and placed the cake and the knife in front of Steve. He reached for the knife almost immediately sinking it into the cake.

 

“Hey we have to sing first, Capsicle!”

 

“Tony, not now,” you told him almost exasperatedly. 

 

Steve finished cutting his slice and placed it in his plate, he looked at it for a few seconds. Long enough that it worried you.

 

“You don’t have to eat it,” you blurted out, “I made a chocolate cake as a contingency, I can go get it!”

 

“No,” he said turning to you and reaching for your hand, “No, I want too. I just don’t know what to say.”

 

“Don’t say anything?” you offered with a nervous smile.

 

He smiled back and let go of your hand, facing the plate once again. He picked up his fork, and in that moment your whole world had been reduced to Steve and that piece of cake. And it shouldn't be this important. It was just a cake. It was just Steve. Your heart shouldn’t be beating this fast. You shouldn’t feel this nervous. But it was Steve, and he deserved so much better than what fate had given him, so if a piece of cake had any chance of making him happy then it was worth a shot. So it had to be good. It had too. He finally took a piece of the cake into his mouth, and you waited, it was agonizing, he was making no sound and you were stood behind his chair so your view of his face was not ideal. But then he was getting up, and it was all so fast you barely even registered it until you could only feel his warmth around you. His arms tight around your shoulders. 

 

“Thank you,” he said with his face pressed against your hair, “Thank you.”

 

You let your arms wrap around his back, nothing else mattered in that moment but Steve, “I’m glad you liked it,” you said into his chest, “I’m really glad you liked it.”

 

He let go of you almost as quickly as he had held you. It was suddenly too cold all around you, but you couldn’t ask for his arms back around you so you let go, before he turned around you could see how his eyes were glistening, “Buck, you have to try it,” He said as he sat down, “It’s exactly the same.” 

 

Bucky didn’t bother getting his plate or slice he just reached for Steve’s with his own fork and took a piece into his own mouth, “It’s better than mine for sure,” he said with a smile before turning to you and mouthing _ ‘thank you’ _ . “Now I really think you should let everyone else taste your ma’s cake, I know you’re the birthday boy but it’s rude,” he said taking another piece of Steve’s slice.

 

“Stop stealing my goddamned cake,” Steve said swatting him in the arm and pulling the plate into an awkward one armed hug. He pushed the rest of the cake towards the centre of the table, “You can cut your own slices?” He asked tentatively, before softly saying “Just? Leave me another one, please.”

 

**

 

It wasn’t until later when everyone was gathered in the balcony to watch the fireworks Tony had arranged that Steve found you again. You were standing the at the side when he walked up to you, he looked beautiful in a blue button up shirt, his sleeves rolled up, he made quite the sight. He made you nervous and that was new. Very new, there weren’t many people who could say they’d made The Crimson Viper feel nervous, Steve hadn’t even been close to being on that list for all the years you’d known him for but now? Now he might as well be the list.

 

“Hey,” he told you coming to a stop beside you, “Couldn’t get Tony to waver the fireworks?”

 

“I tried, but you know Tony. We’re lucky enough I got him to give up his party plans.”

 

“Lucky feels like the right word,” he told you.

 

He stopped holding your gaze when the sound of Tony’s voice broke through the low hum of the world around you.

 

“Are we all here?” Tony asked, “Good, if anyone doesn’t want to see this now would be time to go inside. F.R.I.D.A.Y. let's start the show.”

 

A few seconds later colour was bursting through the sky. It was mesmerizing, and you would have kept your eyes on it if Steve’s breath hadn’t hitched next to you. You took one look at his face and knew something wasn’t right, his eyes were almost glassy and his breath was uneven, he looked distressed. In that moment you were thankful for the relative privacy of your corner in the balcony and took his hand in yours. That seemed to get a reaction out of him, his eyes moved from the sky to your joint hands and then your face. 

 

“What’s wrong?” You asked him.

 

“I- It’s the- The noise. I didn’t have time to get ready for it.”

 

You squeezed his hand before saying, “It’s okay. Just look at me instead. Breathe with me.”

 

You both stood there looking into each other’s eyes and breathing together, his hand tightly held in yours, for the rest of the fireworks. And yeah, watching all the colour explode in the sky was nice, but seeing it reflected on Steve’s face was beautiful. 

 

“Thank you,” he whispered once it was over. You just squeezed his hand one more time before letting go.

 

The party carried on for a while longer, with everyone lounging in the living room, most people drinking far too much, Bucky even sneaked into the kitchen to have a second serving of Sam’s roast when he thought no one was watching. At some point, everyone started going to bed until it was just you and Steve left in the room. The silence only stretched for a few seconds before you spoke, “So how did you find your birthday?”

 

His face broke into a smile, “Do you really have to ask? It’s been the best I’ve ever had. I can’t believe you did this for me. Thank you.”

 

“You’ve said thank you a lot today.”

 

“Yeah well, maybe you deserve some thank yous. Come on,” he said standing up and taking your hand, “Let’s go to bed.”

 

“What makes you think I’m going to bed with you tonight?” you asked as he pulled you up. 

 

He pouted in an extremely exaggerated way that only made you want to bite his lip, “It’s my birthday,” and then he smirked. Steve Rogers and his smirks would be the death of you, “And don’t you think I didn’t notice you haven’t touched a drop of alcohol tonight because I had no Asgardian Mead.”

 

“You pay too much attention to me, Steven,” you told him with a raised eyebrow, “and I didn’t think sober Mr Righteous would take anything other than explicit sober consent, so.”

 

“Well you’re not wrong, now come on, you’ve given me so many gifts today, I think it’s time I give you one back.”

 

“Did you just call your dick a gift?” you asked. And then his hands settled under your ass, and he pulled you up, carrying you like you weighed nothing to the nearest wall and pressing you against it. He was hard already and his whole length was pushing right against your dampening core.

 

“Are you saying it’s not?” He asked grinding his hips against your own, his lips softly brushing the skin of your neck. 

 

“Why are you like this?” You whined, “Just take me to bed.”

 

He didn’t bother putting you down, he just made sure you wrapped your legs around his stupidly tiny waist, and let you bury your face in the crook of his neck while he walked the two of you to his bedroom. 

 

He laid you down on the bed, hovering over you holding himself up with one arm he let his free hand move your ass to your cheek as he lowered himself to bring your lips together. His thumb was gently stroking your skin as his lips moved against yours. It was far from the kiss you had imagined, slower, softer, but so much more intense than any the two of you had ever shared. When he pulled away from your lips, his hand never left your cheek. The way he smiled at you, the way it reached his eyes was heartbreakingly beautiful. You wanted his lips back on yours, but you never wanted to tear your eyes from his face again. He had never smiled like that before, at least not with you. He pulled you out your thoughts when he sat up, discarding his shirt quickly before settling his hands on your hips and pulling your shirt off. You both did quick work standing and getting out of your jeans and underwear, and then Steve sat on the edge of the bed taking your hand and pulling you towards him, making your straddle his hips. 

 

“You’re beautiful,” he told you looking into your eyes.

 

“You’re not so bad yourself,” you told him. And he laughed. Not the kind of laughter you’d ever heard from Steve Rogers, this one went straight to your heart. Your heart that was already threatening to leap out of your chest and was showing no signs of slowing down. 

 

He looked into your eyes again. He was really going to have to stop doing that, “I-,” he groaned and rested his forehead on your shoulder before softly saying against your skin, “You’re something else, Y/N. You’re really something else.”

 

“Yeah I’m pretty awesome,” you said before placing a hand on either side of his face and bring your lips together again. His lips felt like velvet, so soft against your own.  

 

His arms circled your waist, tight enough that there was barely any space between your bodies.

 

"Don't tease me, Stevie," you told him in a whisper against his lips, "not tonight." 

 

He reached between your legs to find you already wet, wanting him. How could you not? He used the wetness he gathered from your core to slick himself up. You moaned, feeling the blunt tip of his dick pressing into you, you lowered yourself onto him, slowly engulfing him into your body. Steve started trailing kisses along your neck, while you shallowly rode him, still getting used to the stretch trying to take all of him into you. He grabbed your waist helping you rise and fall until he bottomed out. Your lips chased his immediately, his hips thrusting up into you until he stood up and holding you steadily laid you on your back, lowering himself over you. Holding himself up with one arm he brought a hand to your nipple. He pinched it just hard enough that it shot straight to your core. Your moan was swallowed by his lips still pressed against yours. His hips were picking up speed, hitting that spot inside you every time. 

 

He pulled his lips away from yours looking into your eyes instead. Your arm circled his neck and you pulled him closer, pressing your forehead together. Everything felt like too much but not enough.

 

"Steve, please," you told him

 

"Not yet, gorgeous," he said, "I want this to last." 

 

He pulled away from you holding onto your hips and began a torturously slow pace. You could see his muscles rippling as he thrust in and out of you. His eyes were roaming your body before his mouth fell open and he threw back his head. You couldn't help the pride that swell up in your chest when you saw him like that. With his eyes closed, and grunting steadily now you could hardly believe that you of all people got to make him feel this way.

 

You were so close to tipping over the edge as it was and then he let his hand come to where you were joined, gathering some of your wetness and using it to rub your clit making you moan wantonly. 

 

"Steve, Stevie, you can't do that if you want to drag this out," you whimpered.

 

"It's okay he said," he said, "you feel too good. I'm not gonna last," he rasped out. The pace of his hips becoming more erratic with every second, his fingers picking up speed on your clit.

 

Suddenly it all felt like too much, pleasure rippled through every nerve in your body and Steve kept thrusting into you, rubbing you, watching you come undone with hungry but soft eyes until he spilt inside you. His hips kept moving, chasing the pleasure you had come to together. He collapsed onto you, burying his face into your neck until you snaked your fingers into his hair and pulled him to towards you, hungrily crashing your lips together.

 

When he pulled away he gently bit your lower lip before trailing kisses along your jaw and down your neck. He stopped for a few seconds over your collarbone, his breath fanning over your skin, he pressed his lips against it and nibbled on your skin making you moan. 

 

"Oh you like that?" He asked, you could feel his smile against your skin, he lowered himself to your nipple and grazed his teeth over it sucking it into his mouth, teasingly bringing it between his teeth again. You arched into his lips, moaning as you held his head in place. 

 

With gentle kisses and little love bites, he made his way down to your navel. He traced it with his nose before making his way down to your mound.

 

"What are you doing, Captain?" You asked him, running your fingers through his hair.

 

He slowly traced your lips with two fingers before pushing them inside you, "You didn't think I was done, did you?" He kissed your inner thigh and brought his lips to your clit, letting his teeth gently graze over the little bundle of nerves before lapping at it with his tongue. You moaned throwing your head back into your pillow, tugging at the golden strands of his hair keeping his head in place, making him moan into you.

 

His fingers picked up pace inside you, relentlessly attacking you with pleasure as his lips kept a tight seal around your clit. He was sucking dutifully at it now leaving you on the brink of orgasm again. Steve kept going, alternating between sucking and lapping at the bundle of nerves, his fingers stroking into you. Your fingers tightened in his hair and his moan, vibrating into your core triggered your orgasm. Your legs closed around his head and he carried on sucking, licking, fingering you through the pleasure, the constant stimulation making it last longer. 

 

When it finally subsided your legs fell limply over his shoulders. Steve withdrew his fingers from you, kissing his way up your body, between your breasts until he pressed a single kiss to your lips, "Open up," he whispered against them. He slowly pushed his fingers, now covered with your wetness and his come from before, into your mouth. You sucked them clean and Steve brought his lips to yours as soon as he pulled away his hand. It was the filthiest kiss the two of you had shared, yet there was something about the way his lips moved against yours, the way his tongue danced with yours, that made your heart tighten in your chest.

 

He pulled away rubbing his nose against yours, "We should take a shower," he said before smiling and continuing, "you're sweaty." 

 

"Hey you're sweaty too! And my legs are dead."

 

"Are they now?" He asked with a smirk.

 

"Don't look so smug," you told him, "why didn't we do this in my room? I have a bathtub, Steven!"

 

"Oh come on! I'll hold you up. I'll wash your hair and everything," he offered.

 

"Jeez okay, Boyle," you said before noticing the confused expression on his face and realizing he would need further explanation, "Boyle's a character in Brooklyn 99, it's a TV show. He says the most intimate thing two people can do is wash each other's hair." 

 

"Oh!" he said getting out of bed and holding out a hand to you, "we should watch that sometime."

 

"I thought you already had too much stuff to watch."

 

He pulled you to your feet and quickly picked you up in his arms, "We'll make time."

 

Steve took his time soaping you up, running his hands through your whole body, even gently massaging your shoulders and back. When he got to your hair he used the same kind of scentless shampoo you had given him after the first time you had done this and he massaged it into your scalp gently, slowly. The feel of his hands made you shiver, you leaned against his chest while he carried on. Nothing had made you this relaxed in a very long time. When it was over and he too had showered he dried you gently with a fluffy towel before drying himself. 

 

Back in his bedroom, he went looking for shirts and underwear before sitting on the bed with you. He was already dressed when you started pulling the shirt he'd brought you over your head.

 

"Wait," he said, "don't put it on yet." 

 

"Hate to break it to you but if you want another round we should have done that before the shower," you said pulling the shirt off.

 

"No," his hand reached forward and he held onto to your hip, "that's not why," his voice was straining. 

 

"Steve are you okay?" You asked just as his hand was reaching for the scar left by the bullet that pierced your lung. He was fixed on it, as if the scar was the only thing in the world, his finger tracing it countless times. You placed your hand on top of his, "Steve?"

 

His eyes snapped up to meet yours, "I'm sorry," he said. He looked at you for a few seconds before continuing, "I was really scared," he whispered before continuing with a little more confidence in his voice, "When Sam called and told me you got shot I didn't think much of it. You've been shot before. But then he said it went through your lung and you were unconscious and barely stable," he stopped speaking to take a few calming breaths, "I got really scared of losing you. That's why I had Helen brought here, she's the best and I needed to make sure you got the best." 

 

He looked at you expectantly when he was done but you couldn't talk. Not when your heart was hammering in your chest. Not when all you wanted to do was kiss him. Not when you felt affection bursting through you.

 

Wait. No. Not affection. It was more than affection, it was -

 

"I shouldn't have said anything," he said pulling his hand away from your grasp. 

 

"Steve," you looked him in the eye, trying to figure out what to say next, "I'm okay, it was okay. Thank you for caring about me like that. I-" 

 

"You what?" He asked with a smile.

 

You smiled back at him, "YA dumayu, chto lyublyu tebya, sladost'." 

 

"What does that mean?" He asked with a grin.

 

"Nothing," you said grabbing the shirt you had taken off and putting it on, "let's go to sleep," you placed a single kiss on his lips and pulled him onto the bed with you. Whatever this was, it could wait 'till morning.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YA dumayu, chto lyublyu tebya, sladost' = I think I love you, sweetness  
> сладость = sladost' = sweetness
> 
> (I used google translate so if anyone who speaks Russian read this and is appaled I am so sorry)


End file.
